Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private
or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this overwhelming situation.
it's just very sad things have got to the present point once you have just started dating so knowing about each other.
Once all the information you know about him is what he has told you in this short period of time and there is no significant long term experience as a couple, there is no way to know for sure his core feelings. What you know is that as soon as he got contacted with his ex-girlfriend it as enough for him to ask you to give him a time to reflect on his feelings and what he truly wants, and even after he knew for sure you are pregnant he has kept his decision.
You know they had along term relationship and they did not formally ended it and now both seem to want to work on what could happen from now on between them. Obviously the fact you are pregnant does not seems to be the first priority for him but to be sure about his feelings for his ex-girlfriend.
Does it make sense?
I am aware of this.
I am not sure if this is what the ex gf wants from him but I feel that he must go figure out what his feelings are for her. He mentioned he is unsure of what exact feeling he is experiencing.
He just told me he felt like he missed her... or feel like they really needed to talk
Absolutely, I do totally support your approach here and think it is mature, assertive and realistic.
Nothing easy for sure but necessary for you to take good care of yourself and of your pregnancy.
at this point, what action should i take?
Ive been given advice from friends and family. They are all different
some say I should just give him the time he needs to figure it out and go about my life normally and see where it goes
and some say I should just ask him for a straight answer and not give it any time
Set a realistic and acceptable time frame for him to reflect on what he wants and chooses to do about this situation for you to be clear about what you could expect from him.
we have not talked for 3 days now
no call or txt ever since he begged me for alone time to reflect
I've already decided on my own that I will not be keeping this child. I am not waiting on him for a decision on the pregnancy matter, rather, I'm waiting for his answer on what he plans to do with our relationship.
with this being said, what do you suggest I do?
Pushing anybody under any circumstance in personal relationships is never wise but it promotes dysfunction and people to be fake and not able to work on creating real fulfillment. If both partners do not truly feel they want to be together because of sharing the same affection, and mutual respect, understanding, caring, values and belief system, have compatible personalities and the same core expectations and needs, it would never work. And for people to truly find out about all these concrete realities, time and sharing with honesty and openness are required. SO good will is fine but not enough for a mature relations
hip to work.
Your decision shows you are open to keep in the relationship if he happens to choose he wants to continue with it, then you just need to set a time frame about for how long are you willing to wait for an answer from him.
what is a suitable time frame?
I know that this is a hard question to answer but I am just not sure myself
For sure it is not something easy.
in the event that he does not contact me. Should i just let things go?
Also im curious as to what your opinion is on the whole "feeling thing" I felt like he may have already met this girl and knows his feelings already...and it wasnt just a mere phone convo
If he does not contact you, my suggestion is
for you to send an email or contact him and ask for a response. that would be the assertive, responsible and proactive approach.
I have no way to know that. But it is obvious his current approach shows is i snot sure at all about staying in this relati
onship and he is telling you he cares and misses the other person.