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Ask Dear Debra Your Own Question

Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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Okay, I spent the last few weeks not doing much productive.

Customer Question

Okay, I spent the last few weeks not doing much productive. I feel kind of lost and somewhat disillusioned. This year has been tough for me mentally, emotionally and physically. I felt a few days just relaxing would do me good, recharge my batteries and clear the clutter from my mind, as well as allow my body to rest and heal up.

Well, it's been about three weeks since I was discharged from the hospital. And, I haven't done much despite the knowledge that I can keep on going like this forever.

How much time do I allow myself to coax, to relax and rejuvenate my mind and my body? I may feel overwhelmed... I don't know. I've so many needs, more money, friends or friend even that moving forward and achieving my goals sometimes seems futile.

I suppose I'm waiting for a lightning bolt to strike me, some kind of revelation to get me moving and motivated... I don't know. I'm just not sure how much what I feel is normal or to be expected given what I've been through. Or, that, I am just making excuses and finding reasons not to try or whatever.

My attitude was so much different not even two years ago it's hard to believe. I dealt with setbacks so much easier and felt my social isolation, my lack of friends, understandable given my situation. I seem to find a way out of any emotional setback I faced.

Anyway, I would like your opinion and advice.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 3 years ago.

Deardebra : I want you to really think about what sparks your interest? What is one thing you feel that will motivate you. It seems like you have been through some things and have not heal from things that have happen. It has caused you to not want to move forward because you need to heal from what has happened.
JACUSTOMER-m69927u4- :

I'm not sure what would motivate me. I fear of being alone and would like one good friend. So I guess I'm motivated to want to find meaningful relationships. The problem is my handicap prevents me from taking part or looking into the normal methods most people use to get involved or socialize.

Online relationships are appreciated but just not the same as face-to-face contact, not to say I have many of those either. But you are right to say that I may not have healed from the emotional troubles I've had. I've tried to relax and collect my thoughts but always feel weak and that I am wasting my time doing this. I would like to start a website and think I have a good idea but feelings of loneliness and failure not to mention my fears of how I will support myself and live in the future. So, I am just confused :)

So, so, nine

I would like to start

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 3 years ago.
You mentioned a web site you would like to set up. I feel if you have an idea, you should put it in motion. It is important to do the things you feel would fulfill your life. People take that one chance that changes their who like. You have idea about a web site. I want you to try to do it.
I want you to really think about how one person can change someone life, what if you could help others and work with others that have the same problems as you. You should really look into what type of web site you want to start. You need something that sparks your interest, something that drives you. I want you to write a list of all the things you want to accomplish. I also want you to begin to think about what type of a relationship you are looking for. Are you looking to spend your life with someone? Are you looking for a friend. I want you to really think about what you want in life and write it down. Once you accomplish one thing front the list, you cross it off so you can see what you have accomplished. It's a great idea to put down small things as well to achieve to keep you motivated. I want you to really think about you want and take the first step to accomplishing it.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Okay, Okay,

Okay, I have a list but it seems like I can never achieve the simplest of tasks because of health competitions. Like I said, I planned on spending this whole year on projects, camping and reaching out to develop more social relationships. But, I spend most of the year in poor health and simply failed.

This will be my fourth attempt to do something with the website. This idea is high on my list but meeting people and making friends is even higher but seemingly always out of reach. So, my ability to accomplish anything on my list is hampered because I can never accomplish my most important goal of making friends. It is just tough to see past my most important goal and concentrate for any length of time on much else. It's aggravating

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 3 years ago.
I noticed you gave me a poor rating. I am here to answer all your questions and I really want to help you. Your health is what is stopping you from doing the things you want to do. You are motivated only to be disappointed because of your health. I want you to understand that there are times in life where you set goals and certain things put goals on hold. It just might simply be it wasn't the right time and you needed to focus on you getting better.
You mentioned this is your fourth attempt with the web site. This could be the right time where you succeed at this web site. You had more time to think about it and know what is going to work and what is not. You true goal is meeting new people and interacting. This could be what gets you the friends the connection is this web site. people are very helpful in getting web sites, business off the ground. people love to get involved in new projects. You might be able to find someone that wants to do something similar and wants to help you get it started. Where you often have health problems you could have a partner to help you. This will get youth meet new people.
One thing often leads to your true goal and that would be to meet new people. Also connecting and talking with people that have the same health issues this way you are connecting with people who truly know what you go through everyday. Also people who have a family member with the same problems looking to get advice from someone that goes through it everyday.
I want you to focus on both meeting new people and achieve the goal of the web site. I am here to help you through this and answer any questions.

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