Ok it's a really long story...... In April my fiancé left me to go back to his ex (who left him before after 3 years and broke his heart and they had a really bad relationship before, they fought all the time and they were basically over for a year before she got the courage to walk away) we were together for nearly 3 years and have a gorgeous lil boy together and were booked to get married in August :( so this destroyed me!!! Wen he left he sed it's cus he was still in love with her and I respected that I was broken hearted but I beer begged him to stay and iv not once tried to get him back or told him I miss him or still love him (I still do very much) well since he's left he's been a nightmare towards me, all iv done is try n set up regular contact with our 2 year old n he's been so difficult! Hes barely seen him, he'll see him once a week or a few weeks then she will kick off and he stops! She has told me that she wants nothin to do with our son and she's not happy that he has a child, ( I don't allow her to meet my baby cus after her attitude towards him I don't trust her) iv been told on loads if occasions that he's miserable and they fight and she's really aggressive with him, I don't understand why he's still there , we were so chilled and happy! Had a few rows but normal stuff never anything big! Well I found out yesterday that they r getting married next Saturday! I'm gutted really , y so soon? Surely they cus wait and plan like normal people they literally booked it last week :\ I don't understand!!! Did I mean nothin to him?? Y is she so against me wen iv done nothin but be respectful of their relationship!! I never text unless I absolutely have to ( which is sometimes once a month) a never call cus at least with a text I have proof of what iv sed cus wen I have rang him to talk about out son he rings her and tells her iv wen tryin to chat him up!?!? I swear I haven't done anything like that I have more pride!! Why does he lie?? Cus then she rings me shoutin and screaming that in pathetic n need to leave him alone etc.... It baffles me!!! Also he's spoke to my grandad a few months ago tellin him that he doesn't speak me as much as he wants and that his gf does his head in and that she goes mental if I contact him or if he even mentions his son in her presence!! She's a very jealous person, he's had to stop seein his female friends and goin out with mates!! I never stopped any of it, I was trusting..... Wat do I do?? In so confused, I still love him..... Do u thinks he's goin to regret this?? Has he lost his mind lol all his mates hate her n thy say im a 1000 times better in looks and personality ..... Please I need advice..... Oh n pls don't be mean cus i honestly haven't tried to hurt their relationship I just want people opinion in the situation .... Thank u xx
Hello, I am so sorry to hear that you have been going through all of this hurt and loss. First of all, I think you should make plans to either get out of town or do something fun for the day of his wedding. It would not be beneficial for you to sit around an mull it over-that would only cause more pain. You certainly have many valid reasons to be upset and distraught. I do not think there is any rhyme or reason to this. Somehow, she has a hold over him and he believes he should be with her. In situations like these, we often try to rationalize it and figure it out, when there is no way to do so because we are not in their heads or their relationship. Obviously, the situation is made more difficult because you are trying to get him to be a good father to your son. If it were not for that, I would suggest having no contact with him. Is it possible to have some sort of arbitrator arrange visits with he and your son. It may help if there is a legal agreement-he also should be assisting you financially in caring for your son. I agree that his behavior appears that he has gone "mad", but you can not control this. I think the less contact with him the better-you certainly should not have to endure being screamed at by her. For now, the best thing would likely be to limit contact and to have someone else plan the visits with your son. Those are logistical strategies to ease some of your pain. By having less contact, it is my hope that some of your outrage and hurt will dissipate. If it continues to be your every waking thought over time, then it may be a good idea to get some support from a therapist or counselor to help you through this difficult time. I hope this helps and wish you luck,
Experience: 25 years as licensed psychotherapist in private practice