How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question

Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
45897396
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dr. Shirley Schaye is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

It has been 4 months since I broke up with my girlfriend, now

Customer Question

It has been 4 months since I broke up with my girlfriend, now we are speaking to one another, she says she's still in love with me, and she talks to me as if we are still together. However, she says we shouldn't date anymore, I love her so much and I want to start a new relationship with her... how do I get her to see that I will never make the same mistakes, but come across to her as a friend to keep her comfortable?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 2 years ago.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Thank you for contacting Just Answer. I am so...ooo very sorry to hear about what has happened. The good sign is that she is saying that she's still in love with you.


 

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Let me ask you some questions to better understand how to help you. You mentioned that you will never make the same mistakes. What were those mistakes.


 

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

For now since she said that she still loves you and wants to be your friend then just oblige. Since she still loves you she may come around. I don't know what the mistakes are but be patient for now. If the mistake was cheating on her then good if you said you won't make the same mistakes again. Let her know how much you love her but don't push her away --- let her make the move from being a friend.


 

Customer:

Well I never cheated, but when I first left for college,things got rough and she cheated. Later we broke up and I had a small amount of relations with another girl, this was right before we got back together so I felt really bad and I talked her about it and she forgave me, but we never really had a full discussion on what she did, so I became a stressful person to be around. I've gotten loud with her which scared her but these are things that I have learned,and I've gotten over the past as well.

Customer:

Dr. Shirley Schaye,


Well I never cheated, but when I first left for college,things got rough and she cheated. Later we broke up and I had a small amount of relations with another girl, this was right before we got back together so I felt really bad and I talked her about it and she forgave me, but we never really had a full discussion on what she did, so I became a stressful person to be around. I've gotten loud with her which scared her but these are things that I have learned,and I've gotten over the past as well.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Oh, hi. I see you entered something --- let me read what you wrote.


 

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Ok, I see.


 

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

So, again, be patient, let her tell you by her actions whether she wants to come back. You will know soon enough. Don't push her.


 

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

What you can do is wait for a while and keep me posted about how she responds. All you need to do is put Dr. Shirley Schaye before your response and I will be the one to respond. So when you've spent time with her let me know what goes on and we can continue discussing her responses.


 

Customer:

Dr. Shirley Schaye,


 


So do I save this?

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

To go back to what you said --- hey she cheated on you, not you on her. If the two of you have broken up over her cheating and you spent some time with another girl why would you need to apologize. She was the cheater, not you.


then

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Yes, you can save this but if you respond to me the question will show up and we can chat some more. Don't forget to rate your response.


 

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Anyway, again to go back --- what do you mean that you will never make the same mistake. I don't see your mistake. I see her mistake.


 

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Another thing ... ... Have you asked her since she said she still loves you and she talks to you as if you are still together why, then, does she think that you shouldn't be dating anymore?


 

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I have to see a patient soon. He's not here yet but when the bell rings I will have to go. I will check back as soon as I am finished so that we may continue with our chat. Anyway, I will wait till the bell rings.


 

Customer:

We had been talking again for a couple days and then I spent time with this girl, and I never would hurt her but I would let my feelings get the best of me and yell. She says that she wants me to find someone but gets really jealous when we talk about a girl. So since shes not talking to any boys, I tell her that I wont talk to any girls other than friends. Ok.

Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience: PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
Dr. Shirley Schaye and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Dr. Shirley Schaye


Hi. Now my ex is asking me to come to her school, she goes to pitt state and I go to K-state, were 320 miles apart now. She has a car but only started driving at the end of last year, and shes scared to drive on the highway but she says she would definitely drive to my school if we were still together, but I don't really want her doing that. Problem is that I dont have a car, but she knows from the past, wherever she was i always found a way to get to her, when we were in high school, we lived miles apart, I walked, rode bikes, and got rides haha.. I truly love this girl... but now I don't know what to do. I miss her and she asked me to come spend time with her and I really want to next weekend. Thanks for helping me.

Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 2 years ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Yeah I've looking all day,and stressing over this, lol. I haven't looked into a train yet though.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Dr. Shirley Shaye


 


I have been looking and calling places all day, its a little stressful but she's worth it, I haven't looked into a train though.

Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 2 years ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Actually I already ruled the bus out and now from looking, i see there is no train that could get me there... My mind is already made up and I'm set on going but i can't find a way. But I have high school friends in Manhattan and Pittsburg so I think I'm going to have to arrange something

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Dr. Shirley Schaye


 


Actually I already ruled the bus out and now from looking, i see there is no train that could get me there... My mind is already made up and I'm set on going but i can't find a way. But I have high school friends in Manhattan and Pittsburg so I think I'm going to have to arrange something

Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 2 years ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency