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KansasTherapist, LSCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 565
Experience:  17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
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I am 23 years old; my boyfriend is 47.

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I am 23 years old; my boyfriend is 47. We’ve been dating for 2 years. He isn’t by any means my first boyfriend. He is divorced with two young children. However, he is the most kind, honest and caring man I’ve ever dated. He has treated me better than any of my past partners have. Neither of us are bothered by the age gap, as we are similar in character (I’m mature for my age and am not as “wild” as most people my age and don’t party, go “clubbing,” etc. I would say my interests are comparable to that of someone in their mid-thirties). However, he works a lot. He owns a construction company and spends numerous overtime hours managing his employees, doing house calls, etc. I am not bothered by this in any way and have come to accept this. We have not met each other’s family members, yet. Our relationship is progressing at a slow pace, but is progressing nonetheless. Overall, I’m satisfied with my relationship and have hope for the future. However, there’s a problem: my mom. My mom is a re-married divorcee, is 60 year old and is very, very overprotective. She is unhappy with the fact that he doesn’t spend as much time with me as she feels he should (because of his work) and doesn’t understand how he can be so legitimately busy. As a result, she thinks he’s a scoundrel and has made numerous inaccurate, negative presumptions about him. She has telephoned him for the first time to request a meeting with him alone and to question him about his motives. She’s not aware of his age. I’m terrified that she’ll refuse to accept him on that basis alone. Most of all, I’m worried that her meddling in my relationship and, basically, “policing” my relationship will drive my boyfriend away. How do I stop her meddling and try to maintain both my relationships with my mom and my boyfriend?

Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  KansasTherapist replied 2 years ago.

KansasTherapist : Hello
KansasTherapist : You have a difficult problem, trying to balance your boy friend and your mom.
KansasTherapist : It's great that you are happy with your relationship.



KansasTherapist : That's what matters most anyway.
KansasTherapist : You can prepare your boyfriend with information about meeting with your mother.
KansasTherapist : Let him know that she is just trying to protect you and ask him to try not to take what she says personally.
KansasTherapist : After they have met, you can listen to what your mother has to say, calmly.


KansasTherapist : Let her know you appreciate her love for you and desire to see you happy.
KansasTherapist : Ten tell her that right now what makes you happy is this relationship.


KansasTherapist : No relationship is a sure thing but you want to see where this goes.

Yes, I do

KansasTherapist : Try you best not to be defensive or convince your mom that he's a good guy. She's going to think what she thinks.


KansasTherapist : Just to let you know, my husband isn18 years younger than I am and we have been happy together for almost 20 years.

That's fantastic

KansasTherapist : It can definitely work out for you if you're right for each other.

My mom seems to think that any man who is too much older than me is simply a "predator"

KansasTherapist : It sounds like she still thinks of you as a little kid.

Yes, I believe so

KansasTherapist : You're certainly old enough to choose your own relationship.

I agree; she said that her meddling is simply in order to satisfy her concerns. But it's frustrating.

KansasTherapist : How old was she when she got married the first time?

She was in her early thirties; my dad was about 10 years younger than her. They had a whirlwind romance and got engaged after 2 weeks of dating. He turned out to be a cheater, but despite her knowing that, they stayed married for several years and ultimately divorced.


She had told me that she simply wants to "save me from tears later on"

KansasTherapist : It seems she made a poor decision even though she was older. You can remind her you're taking things slowly. There is no way to save you from tears if things don't work out, no matter what the age difference.


KansasTherapist : I hope this is helpful.

Yes, very much. Thank you.

KansasTherapist : You're completely welcome.
KansasTherapist, LSCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 565
Experience: 17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
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