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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I went on 2 dates with my ex after a 4 year break. He went

Customer Question

I went on 2 dates with my ex after a 4 year break. He then went away for a week and phones and texts me everyday while away and phoned me when he got home. I was near his house out with friends last night and he said call in on your way home and i did. We talked but still no mention of date 3 or no kiss etc. should I be worried or am I just being impatient. I feel more strongly for him than last time but also confused. I'm so anxious about does he like me and want to date me I can't work out my true feelings for him. He texts me all day everyday and calls me too. He said he regretted breaking up before and wanted to make things right. I am impatient and keen to have a partner, im 38 and he is 41. I don't wanna mess up what could be great but I need some answers. I don't know how to handle this!!!
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 4 years ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear friend,

Your ex wants the same as you do and does not want to mess it up this time. He is afraid you will reject HIM and so he is going very slowly. He does not try to kiss him because he is afraid of being rebuffed.

He has already stated his intentions: that he regretted breaking up before and wants to make things right.

He stays in constant touch with you. I think he is deeply in love with you and does not want to mess anything up and that is why he is being so cautious.

Be patient. Show him a little bit of body language Stand a few inches closer, look into his eyes when you speak with him. Speak softly and warmly. He will come around,.

I believe that you and he will be back together, but this time it will work. out.

Keep moving forward. You will succeed.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I just wish he could share with me how he feels. I need some reassurance about "us"! Or I need him to arrange to see me again. I nearly rang him yesterday to ask where we stand but when he called me back I had to make an excuse up about why I called him. Not knowing is causing me great anxiety. I'm struggling to trust him I thing because of how he ended things last time. I was left thinking I'd done something wrong and he said not it wasn't me he was just stupid and regretted ending things. How do trust him again? To be fair he's not put a foot wrong this time but my anxieties are taking over!
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 4 years ago.
Dear Linda,

Anxiety is such a strong force, and so is curiosity.

Go out with him again. A romantic dinner with a bottle of wine might loosen a few inhibitions and fears on your part and his. "Where you stand" is not really an intellectual concept, but rather an emotional one. It is pure feeling and you will know if you are ready for that kiss or not. That ought to be your barometer.

To me, it seems that you are a couple that are in a process of mending. Your husband is the most sensitive link and needs more time then you. He will respond well to a little bit of encouragement. Try not to scare him off while giving him enough encouragement to keep his interest.

If you continue to build this relationship back, as you are now both in the process of learning to trust each other and trust yourselves as well. As long as you continue to move forward then you can have confidence that you are getting closer to your goal.

I wish you you courage and patience.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Sorry I didn't make it clear...we were never married just dating previously! I think perhaps he's waiting for a signal from me and I'm pushing him away because I'm scared of getting hurt again
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 4 years ago.
Dear Linda,

Sorry for the time delay. It is 6 hours earlier here.

I think that you just answered your own question, in a sense. If you want to get with him you will have to give him a bit more encouragement.

However, he is also reticent because HE TOO is scared of being hurt again.

That is why this is proceeding so slowly. You need to help him have the confidence that you want this to work and he will slowly begin to open up.

As an "observer", at least through your words, I see a romance that is almost ready to burst forth but each side is holding back. If you hold back too long, one side or the other can become discouraged, and the whole thing falls apart. It is like a boat, dead in the water. Someone needs to grab the oar and propel it forward, but each one is afraid to rock the boat for fear of tipping it over.

I do suggest that you move carefully forward. Do not confront him or ask him for a decision, for he is stilling trying to form one. Just help him along by being positive and I believe that you will succeed.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, and the window of opportunity may close.

I believe you can make it happen in an easy and gentle manner, and for this I wish you wisdom, courage, and patience.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

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