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Doctor Kevin
Doctor Kevin, Ph.D.
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1482
Experience:  24 years in a private practice
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my girlfriend is unsure she wants to stay with me how do i

Customer Question

my girlfriend is unsure she wants to stay with me how do i reasure her?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Doctor Kevin replied 4 years ago.
Thank you for choosing this website. you are writing in because your girlfriend is having doubts about being in the relationship and you want to know what you can do to get her more interested in you. The most important thing in a relationship is improving communication. You need to find out if she feels smothered held back or that you are ignoring her and work on that. You have to see where she is coming from even if what she says disagrees with you. Being a good listener is the first aspect a woman will appreciate.
Secondly you need to be respectful. You should never put her down in public or spread private rumors about her. Likewise you should never be threatening or angry without resolving the issue.
if I had a better idea of some of the difficulties you are facing I may be able to give you more specific answers. It also depends on how long you have been together and whatever it is that she's complaining about. I see that your currently off-line and I am very interested in your response to my answer
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

the biggest issue we have has been that she had hopes and dreams for us and at that time i was a nervous wreck with all the expectations she had and i didnt think i could live upto them and i thought we worked thru that but after we had a small fight over a year ago the past was brought up again i tried to prove that i was ready and i wanted her to "dream" again but the damage was already done she says that she wanted to start a life with me but now shes not sure iasked her multiple times if we could have an "us" chat but she avoids them like the plague and in doing that she has avoided spending time with me and seeing me on a regular basis it would go weeks till we would see each other but we would always say goodnite on the phone and like a fool i kept pushing her to have an "us" talk but i think im pushing her away

Expert:  Doctor Kevin replied 4 years ago.
if you have been trying to talk to your girlfriend about your relationship for a year and she continues to push you away and avoid talking then she has made a very clear statement that she does not see a future in the relationship. You need to move on since this relationship is going nowhere and you have invested much time and energy into it.