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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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can a guy be nasty to you to pretend he dont fancy you

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can a guy be nasty to you to pretend he dont fancy you to protect his job and himself, a guy at my work who i ahev known for quite some time, i fell out with 2 years ago we messed around with each other one night, he accused me of things after then stopped talking, then we started again this year after loads of staring from him and him telling me all about himself etc and how he never wants us to fall out again and he now got his trust back in me, telling me about women he slept with when he broke up with his gf last year etc, we both had partners, then gossip started at work he basically ignored me, i asked via email to meet for coffee but as friends to talk properly about everything no reply, then he snitched on me to my boss saying i was stalking him, i dont get it, very hurt and confused, been 4 months since happened, but others say fancied me but why do that?  But still stares at me and always lingers when am in warehouse where he works and watches me, always said i fancied him etc, he is a manager

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

This man is no admirer of yours. He treats you quite badly, if fact. He tried to put your job in jeopardy, ignores your emails, falsely accuses you, tries to hurt you by bragging about his sexual conquests, and is the one that seems to be stalking you.

A man that stares at you when you are in a warehouse, where he seems to linger after you, is someone to avoid.

This is NOT the way you treat someone that you fancy, but rather the way you treat somewhat you want to hurt.

I recommend that you avoid him. He may act in inexplicable ways that raise your curiousity, but remember what happened to the curious cat.

I wish you wisdom, strength, and safety.


Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Other advice I have received say he did it as he had no choice, he couldn't say he liked me and I put friends only in my email to him so I rejected him in way, he was wary someone watching emails so went out to prove he didn't fancy me and turned it on me so as to not look stupid maybe but really likes me, it's a way of pushing me away as he always told me to cheat n how we had fun before n loved it, he was so sincere to me and now looks sad when he sees me, could this be right what others have said and people still think he likes me or did but he too worried bout job maybe, as we are drawn to each other. But he would help me with work ask bout me n said worried not married etc yet, tell me bout his daughter n family but did flirt sometimes and hates it when I spoke with other guys, and would only talk mainly to me when alone when in canteen he would stare n talk with my friends more, I am very confused
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear friend,

Thank you for providing the additional information. That puts it into a different light. If he is concerned about his job but you think he really likes you, and you seem to like him, why not ask him to meet you after work for tea or just a drink. This way he will have to show his cards. Yes if he truly cares, or no if he doesn't care or not he does care but is not quite capable of acting in a balanced manner.

He may be a lovely man, but it probably helps to be able to communicate clearly. Give him an invite. All he can do is turn you down and show you what he is not interested, or accept, and you can resume your mutual attraction.

I wish you great success.


Warm regards,

Elliott
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
So u think he did like me now I gave you other info?? But gossip etc scared him off, and me kinda confusing things too, but still harsh in me and again doing it to me,,,,, but also a rumour went round I had said we was having affair which not true I didn't n we didn't but he chose to believe this so I look weird now, but how do I approach him without looking desperate or weird, I am not emailing at all and don't know his number except work? Also he didn't like fact I told my friend few things he told me in private, as she told him when defending me, it's very complicated, do u believe he always liked me?
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear friend,

I believe that he likes you. You may not have his number, but you can slip him a note or sent him an email with your number on the note or email. Just write, "Call me. We can go out for a friendly drink".

You've got nothing to lose. If he doesn't call then you will have your answer. If he does, then you will see where it goes.

I don't know if he ALWAYS liked you, but he seems to like you now. See if he goes out with you or calls you back. Then you will have a better idea.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi ok I'll explain bit more as think confusing you if honest, as I said we messed around about 2 years ago and fell out as he told my manager about an email I had sent him apparently, then this year made up again but never really spoke about it if honest. At first he just stared at me n was very kinda quiet round me, it was like I had to make effort but then we started talking again, but he always mainly spoke about himself, his business he has away from work, his daughter, even his gf saying now back together she lot better.
He told me about some women who fancied him but weren't interested, as he always cheated before, but said to me I should have fun with a guy in hotel thought random, we exchanged few emails mainly me emailing him first and me going in warehouse to talk but he would keep me down there chatting, and would stare and not talk to me in front of others. Then gossip started he said keep distance and then ignored me, I sent couple of emails from my home to work asking to meet up as mates for drink but no replys then he reported me to my manager when I was on holiday and brought my friend into it too, I had apparently said we having affair to my friend which I did not, and we fell out and everyone knew, I kept my mouth shut as wanted to keep head down and now ok with friends, but only speak work related to him, sorry long winded so am totally confused and hurt why did he truly do it??? Was it because he hated me all along? But doubt that as really tried to make effort n help with work issues, he scared it could effect him at work?? Am confused
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear friend,

With all of the gossip and speculation going on at work, he probably does not want to hurt his chances for promotion, or risk losing his job by being suspected of having inappropriate contact with employees, especially since he is a supervisor.

He did "mess around" with you about 2 years ago, and he does like you, but he also fears the consequences of how this will affect his job. This is why he acts the way he does. He thinkgs "I want to !" but then he thinks "I had better not!" That is why he seems torn and confused.

I'm sure that he is very attractive to you. However, you might want to look elsewhere for a stable and available companion without so much extra baggage.


Warm Regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I understand that but why take to extreme and report me?? Why not just ignore emails as I weren't gonna hound him, and why come mine with my friend and demand to know about this fake affair I had said, I could had lost job but luckily they did nothing as I didn't do much wrong really, but he told people I stalked him n I followed him when not true, I was a good friend trying to break ice n be how was before fall out, it's been 5 months and only seen him few times as an in office, but once I saw him he just stared at me and carried in walking another I was in a office with nother guy he always been jealous off and we were talking and he was lingering outside, then came in 5 mins later and asked bout a party then walked out, staring at me still, other guy knows and says he in denial whatever that means. I want to talk n know why he done this but can't email him afraid report me and have to be careful now but feel very upset n hurt, but I feel he hates me n thinks our friendship not worth it,. He is too paranoid
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear friend,

You have hit the nail on the head. He acts this way because he is paranoid. Perhaps he has a Paranoid Personality Disorder. Only a psychiatrist or mental health therapist who examined him personally could tell. His behaviour is not rational or normal, and I advise you you move on and leave him behind. Be polite to him but don't expect a rational relationship or even friendship with him because he is apparently unable to do so.

Warm Regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
So u think he never nor does still like me??? Why say he never wants us to fall out?? Do u think he regrets it? Why he lingers around me and stares? I know he no good but I need to know if it wasn't in my head as others said should try n resolve. Also y just like it with me, so obvious he not happy at home, everyone knows n says in denial about me.He replys about work emails to me quite quick actually more then other people just need opinion
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear friend,

I am sure that he likes you but he is paranoid so sometimes he fear you for no real reason. You cannot change that. He is not quite right. You just have to accept him the way he is. You can't change him. Don't expect him to react normally when he is apparently not normal. You will just keep frustrating yourself trying to find reasons for irrational behaviour.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
So I just have to accept what he did n move on?? Seems odd when ever I see him it's like he wants to talk but won't but wanted me to hear bout party so I wud go away from work, but do u think he wants to know me at all or can't be bothered?? Just he seems like he wants to help me at work still but others say he still likes u it's obvious just so hard to get over hurt
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Relist: Answer came too late.
He not online
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear friend,

I have been online but I have oither clients that I work with as their questions and replies come in. I cannot change that order.

You would be best to accept the way things are, and move on. You cannot figure him out because he is not rational or logical if he is paranoid. I know how hurtful he is to you, but the only way to stop the hurt and feelings of rejection is to move on.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
That's fine bout other people I understand. But I want to know do u think he does still like me? N why the stares still n lingering?? Pls if u can say what u honestly think n also do u think we can ever be friends if he likes me that much I feel n sense he does
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear friend,

It may be a rocky relationship, but since you feel so strongly about him, just tell him that you want to get together with him as friends. Don't beat around the bush. Be direct and ask him. The worse he can do is say no.

Don't forget that he is a bit odd, but that doesn't mean he isn't attractive to you. You will never know until you try. I certainly hope it works.

I will be away from my computer for a couple of hours because I have some clients coming into my office by appointment and I must see them. But I will be back if you need me.

If not, I welcome your positive feedback. I really want this to work out for you.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Ok I will have to pluck up courage just one thing though if he believes this crap about affair I apparently said, how will he react to me n if he finds me attractive is there nothing more he likes? I will await your answer
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear friend,

Plucking up your courage is definitely a good start. I guess that is the first step. The next step is actually talking to him, and just talking about general things: sports, the telly, food, and see how you get along without talking about controversial things. If he ilikes you, and if he has any sense, he will respond in a positive way. Any normal guy or girl will be nice and respectful to someone who tries to be friendly with them.

If he is, then step three is he asks you if you want to hang out, or you ask him. That's where your courage really has to be strong.

I hope he has enough sense to be nice to you. You seem like such a nice young lady with lots of enthusiams and perseverance. You certainly deserve to be respected and treated well. I guess you will have to try it and see.

Best of luck,

Elliott
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Guess problem is to be fair he thinks I made up lie bout me n him having an affair, I would not be happy if honest n we can't talk bout this at work as gotta be proffesional so he prob thinks am weird as guessing believes it, and my manager may wander why an going to see him in warehouse too, very difficult if honest as I need a reason really to go to his section.

He didn't even say thanks for me sending him a voucher thing through work to say well done on something not anything at all, so makes me think really bit guess.
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear friend,

I thought that you had abandoned me after all of the time I have spent trying to listen to you and help you. I'm glad to see you back. You must have been busy at work.

If he believes there is a rumour going about that you two being involved in an affair, something that some unknown person started, then he probably wants to stop the rumour by avoiding you.

If you cannot go to the warehouse to see him without arousing further suspicion, then you will have to see him after work, or contact him somehow, or just take a quick trip to the warehouse and pass him a note if you can't get in touch with him otherwise.

You would do well to think less about this, and just take some positive action. This is the answer. It is time to make a move and go forward if you can make a connection with him, or move on if you cannot.

I hope I have helped you resolve this. Please leave me positive feedback for my efforts (3 or more) so that JustAnswer can give me credit. I am hard working, caring, dedicated, and this is how I make my living. Thank you so much.

I wish you great success in finding the courage to contact him and then seeing where it goes. It is a direct path, and one I urge you to follow.

Warm regards,

Elliott

Elliott Sewell, MAE, LPCC, CCMHC, NCC
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi yes I have been at work all day very sorry and do appriciate your time you have given to me I really do, I think this is reason he kinda keeping away bit if honest, I have no idea what he thinks of me now guessing he thinks stay away easier as just causes trouble all time, and if he thinks I started this rumour no matter how much he liked before that would make me look kinda weird?
But I will try and see him n maybe say hi or something as emails very hard if honest, but thank you so much I do really appriciate your time you have spent and hope u honestly think our friendship is worth it
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear friend,

Be direct. Ask him if he'd like to meet for drink after work, or for a pub lunch at weekend. This way you will either get to be better friends with him, or get closure. Either way is better than just wondering out loud. If he has any sense, he will take you up on your offer.

A will be most grateful for your thanks in terms of positive feedback, and I wish you great success in this endeavor.

Yours truly,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear friend,

Thank you so much for accepting my answer with high ratings. I wish you great success.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi hope your well, to update you last week he was staring again and I went over to talk as I had a work query, he spoke back and said needed his holiday checking so walked with me to office, I said how sorry I was again and hope we can be friends he was very quiet and shy again and said don't worry bout it pure looking in my eyes, but quiet I asked him few things and replied now what do u think, he just stares at me And smiles since as don't wana look strange
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear friend,

You have done everything correctly. If this man wants to have a friendship with you outside of work then he can. He knows that you are interested in him. There could be one or several reasons that he stays away from you socially, outside of work.

If he does not want to engage with you other than at work for work-related issues, then there is nothing you can do to change this.

I wish you good fortune.


Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi I have kinda update, I understand from your last MSG what your saying but very confused and would like your opinion, since this he still stares but doesn't really talk just kinda smirks wen I looking at him, but he don't talk unless I do him but he did this before too me, he always looks kinda annoyed but again way he can be,. I have noticed though when I have work query he will say ill come and see you if with someone and then he doesn't he says forget, but still stares. Thing is he said was all ok but not so sure as today when I went to section had query I spoke bit to him he said good thing am there and I said give me simply thank you voucher n laughed for helping he laughed n said Ben another guy there will give u one out of work n make my day Ben said whatever n I said got bf he goes so n laughed I thought what, sorry just people say still likes me n guy sitting with today said bout year ago when he was his manager all he did was talk bout me then too n try set him up with me knowing I had bf then??
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.

Dear friend,

Thank you so much for the update to the ongoing soap opera of life at your workplace. It seems to me that this man does like you, but is too shy or timid or cowadly, or inhibitied to approach you in the proper way.

If your still interested in him, then you could ask him for a date. Someone has to break the ice, and it won't be him. I think he might be embedded in ice. If you want more, than you will have to go after it more aggressively. Is it better to know one way or the other, or is it preferable to live in a constant state of uncertainty?

This is really up to you and I wish you the strength to go after what ever it is that you want.

Best of luck.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Problem is talking to him in front of others as he very wary of manager n staff I think, but why say get another guy to thank me out of work if he likes me??? Also I thought about writing letter and say how I feel n get him to read whilst with him??
Do u think he wants to talk but scared as I don't get why he never gets back to me bout work stuff
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Discretely hand him a typed note, without his name or yours on it. Don't embarass him but just slip it to him. Let it say something like:

Can we talk or hang out after work? Call me at 12341331333 [your number].

That is all you need to do. If he cares he will call. If he doesn't care, he won't call. Either way you won't be stuck in this unknown mysterious state of not knowing what is up and what is down.


Good luck,

Elliott

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Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I was gonna write letter n stand with him whilst reading it, so can't show to anyone, but honestly do u think he does like me?? As saying that bout other guy
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
If he talks about you a lot to other people, then yes, of course. He is infatuated with you.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
No this was bout year ago he did that that guy just told me today, but today guy said to one of his staff why don't he thank me personally out of work for helping him,. I thought odd to say I said no got bf he just smirked lol
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
To add on he seems very quiet now since said sorry and kinda don't wana know odd, how was before wen fell out, I say hi he just quiet, I will give letter but pls as a man why would he do this u think?? Is he still not forgiven me properly as wanted to talk now I have gone quiet or does he expect more apology am confused
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear friend,

Don't keep worrying about why he did this or why he did that, or what is he thinking about. I don't know. HE might not even know.

The only thing that should matter to you is whether or not he is interested in you, and the only way you can find out is by asking him out, to meet you after work or on the weekend, or to call you. If he says not, or does not respond then forget about him. If he does then take it from there.

You will never know unless you try. You know this and and you don't need to know anything more about this. The time for words is through. The time for action is now. You don't need to keep running this around in your head. YOU NEED TO ACT.

I would greatly appreciate if you would give me positive feedback once again for the many answers I have given you with great concern for your needs. Thank you so much.

I wish you success. Remember, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Best of luck, and warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
But I don't want to look desperate n is it worth my while do u think?? That's all as ur a man and what I tell u I just think be nice to hear if making myself look silly
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Just try it ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

You have nothing to lose.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Ok but please as someone who chooses to listen can I ask in ur opinion why he seemed keen to talk n now quiet again but always quick replies to work emails??? He still teases me bout other guys though n when do I ask to meet how??

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