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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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She entered into a bdsm contract for money with another guy.

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She entered into a bdsm contract for money with another guy. I found the emails and texts. She told me it was my fault for snooping and it was nothing to do with me. We were buying a house together. I am so angry and feel I've been made a fool of what should I do to deal with the fact I can't get her out of my head?

First of all, when someone does anything sexual or sexually related outside the relationship then that is never the mate's fault. That is the fault of the person who is engaging in questionable behavior and that is not you. You should feel angry and betrayed. The more you remember your anger and your feelings of betrayal the sooner you will get over her. One of the mistakes that people make is they remember all the good times and the positive qualities of that other person the harder it is to end the relationship. Instead focus on this incident and how she disrespected the relationship in a profound way. You can use journaling if you think that helps to remember the feelings that stem from her indiscretion. You may also write a letter focusing on your anger but you do not have to mail it. It isn't an exercise to get her back but one to focus on the negativity that is present.

Overall you do have to give this some time. No one gets over a relationship as quickly as they want to. Unfortunately there is some time to really find closure and move on. You first have to allow yourself time to separate from this person. If you need to find a therapist for even a short period of time that is also a possibility. Don't allow yourself to romanticize her and it will be easier. This is where you think back on all the good times and ignore the tragic ending.

I hope this was helpful. Please choose a positive rating or I am not compensated

psychlady and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank you. I will remain angry. My thoughts have been ugly at times. And I have written a lot down. I was worried it was unhealthy. So thanks again

It is not unhealthy and I wish you the best