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Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1759
Experience:  Providing the Utmost Care and Support
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Dont have any idea how to handle the wedding this weekend

Customer Question

Don't have any idea how to handle the wedding this weekend since sd is attending. Thought she would be away at school, but maybe she gave that up too. Any suggestions ?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.

CoachJenK :

I think you will handle it as you always do...with dignity and grace and you will acknowledge her with a warm hello and go from there.


 

CoachJenK :

We can chat when you come back online.


 

Customer: I am here. I don't get how the chat starts on this, so I just keep checking back.
Customer: Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX am not going to walk across a room to greet her this time.
Customer: There are 100 plus pele so I may not see he.
Customer: I think it is rude of her to be there as if nothing is wrong since she hasn't talked to the bride in years.
Customer: I would love to send out a short mail to family and friends explaining the situation so there is some type of consequence for her.
Customer: I would send her a copy as well.
Customer: This @@&$ has got to stop. Her Dad is not going to go over to the house of bio mom, but he says he is going to confront
Customer: her at the reception. We are taking a cab there, so my mom might need me to check on her by then. Hehe !
Customer: A warm hello seems fake to me at this point, but I might be giggly because I am going to do something I never do before I leave
Customer: which is have a drink.
Customer: The best time of my life was in college getting ready to go out and having a couple of drinks with my friends so we didn't have to spend much money out. It wa so carefree. I don't know why I started all of this kid stuff and domestic bs. I don't have any kids.
Customer: You know, I think I could show her the kind of stepmom you would do something like this to. Maybe she ain't seen nothin'yet.
CoachJenK :

I hear how angry you are but I am not sure that doing any of that at a wedding is the most appropriate place. It is the bride's special day


 

Customer: I went to a psychologist nd he said it s not about me but it affects me nd after two visits said to call him if I need anything else.
Customer: So , I guess I m ok.
Customer: Really , what do I have to lose.
Customer: What is she going to do. Not speZk to me anymore ? lol !!!
CoachJenK :

I just think the anger is getting the best of you around this.


 

CoachJenK :

I am not thinking of her I am thinking of the person whose wedding it is


 

CoachJenK :

and you also. I dont think it will get you anywhere. she hasn't shown resp


ect for you in quite some time and she wont now

CoachJenK :

my suggestion would be then not to greet her and just ignore her and the whole situation


 

Customer: I don't mean at the wedding
Customer: My husband her dad has NO WHERE ELSE TO SEE HER AND SHE KNOWS IT THE LITTLE @&$;
CoachJenK :

ok then when


 

CoachJenK :

I also dont think the email is a great way to go...involving others doesnt do anything other than involve others


 

Customer: I am tired of being humiliated.
Customer: Peolpe have to think it is something we did
CoachJenK :

I understand but I think this would not achieve anything positive for you


 

Customer: Hen is she going to get hers?
Customer: when
Customer: Nothing positive is in it anywy
CoachJenK :

if they know her and see her behavior then it is clear. It is truly irrelevant what others think and it doesnt look good to involve others in the hope she has some consequences.


 

CoachJenK :

My goal is for you to heal from this and the anger and worry less about her and when she will get hers. focus on you and your marriage and let her dad heal how he needs to


 

Customer: So you let people walk all over you for the rest of time?
CoachJenK :

but I truly understand you desires and your anger


 

CoachJenK :

none of this serves the greater good for you or your husband


 

Customer: I know it is hard to believe, but he either talks to her there or has to involve wonder mother
CoachJenK :

if she is ignored by you at the wedding she is not walking all over you. and you are making a choice to step out of they cycle and that is not letting her walk all over you


 

Customer: or corner her at work
Customer: I have never been in any social situation where anyone was not talking to me in my life!
CoachJenK :

I know you are not in love with my answers but I can only give you my honest opinions


 

CoachJenK :

well he needs to figure out what works for himself around that


 

Customer: Now I have to start this bs because of this little nasty girl and her user of a mother
CoachJenK :

time to let her power and control over you go. ignore her and have the dignity and grace that I know you have


 

Customer: .Why should I suffer everything
CoachJenK :

it is your choice to let her affect you in this way and you can choose to not suffer


 

CoachJenK :

walk away with your head held high


 

Customer: .Sorry. I looked up nd my mother got a skin tear on her hand by touching a magazine ! My life is amazing !
Customer: I rally have done nothing to deserve all this , but I want to start to.
Customer: Is that really so abnormal ?
Customer: Decades of treating people the way I would want to be treated has brought me nothing but heart ache !
CoachJenK :

I truly believe it is time to let it go. For YOU


 

Customer: was I in a cycle by giving her space and being loving and supportive
CoachJenK :

you had hope and that is a good thing but now it is clear where she is and so it is time to work on moving forward for yourself and to begin healing


 

Customer: The psych also said this does not last and she will need to reach out when bio mom and sh implode
CoachJenK :

that may be true but again right now the focus is only on you


 

Customer: I have read so much about parental alienation syndrome and every point was done by bio mom in subtle ways.
Customer: It said when the child wakes up they cannot believe what they did to the targeted parent
Customer: The time can never be regained.
CoachJenK :

there is no rhyme or reason sometimes and time will tell where this ends up but right now your healing is crucial.


 

Customer: How does anyone ever heal from this ?
CoachJenK :

FYI: I need to wrap up in a minute as I am leaving for a barbecue.


 

CoachJenK :

I think the ache remains but it gets easier over time


 

Customer: Have fun at the bbq
CoachJenK :

thank you. take some time to breathe and just be!


 

CoachJenK :

please touch base again and let me know how you are doing.


 

Customer: breathe in ,life sucks breathe out , it still sucks
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1759
Experience: Providing the Utmost Care and Support
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