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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5770
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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My mother and I can no longer get along. She insults me, calls

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My mother and I can no longer get along. She insults me, calls me stupid, lazy and when I respond I am the one who is in the wrong. she does this repeatedly especially when we are out in public. At her church or just around someone who will feel sorry for her. It is ruining my life and my relationship with others because they feel that I am disrespectful and that is exactly what my mother wants. There is some type of power struggle going on and i don't understand why she is targeting me. I would like to limit my time with my mother. I have done everything I can but she repeatedly treats me like a little girl who she buliied.

Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

Your mother sounds like she may have a lot of issues that she is taking out on you. Often, when someone is mean to another person, they are unable to handle their own emotions so they take it out on another person. It is most often someone close to them who they feel will accept how they act. You are there for your mother and she may feel that you love her enough to accept how she acts towards you. In other words, your care for her makes you an easy target. This is not fair to you and it is hurtful.

Another possibility is that your mother has a personality disorder. People who have personality disorders often hurt those close to them and make themselves look like the victim to others outside of the situation. People with personality disorders often have deep seated issues that are unlikely to be resolved unless they can see they are doing harm and are willing to get help.

The best thing you can do is protect yourself by putting some distance between you and your mother. Try to only have contact when it is necessary. And when you do have to be around her, keep your interaction simple and straightforward. Don't discuss personal issues. And if she makes hurtful comments, say something like "I'm sorry you feel that way." and move away. You may also want to suggest therapy for the both of you, though she may not be willing to see herself as part of the problem. Talk to your doctor about a referral or search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate

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