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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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Ive been married for 8yrs. Recently we have been an issues

Customer Question

Ive been married for 8yrs. Recently we have been an issues lately we can seem to get over. This makes me sad because I love her and don't know how to resolve this. One day a couple months ago I had someone from work come to dinner as a friendly gesture and make a new friend. I regret that I did that because it turned out I didn't want to continue being friends. But my wife continued to stay friends with him. I told her how I felt and didn't wand her to stay in contact with him ether. She refused and continued to be friends she kept bring him up and i told her it made me uncomfortable and why. She has other friends. Four yrs ago she cheated on me and it almost ended the relationship but somehow we got past it with a lot of work. she thinks I'm being controlling. Am I? Is the past clouding my judgment? I always try to see her side but why is she not willing to give on the issue? What am I suppose to do? Am I i suppose to always give in? We do nothing but argue now.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 3 years ago.

Deardebra :

I feel that you had brought this person to your house to make a new friend which was a kind gesture, but you decided this wasn't the person you wanted to have a friendship with. Your wife had hit it off with this person and became friends. It makes you uncomfortable because you do not want to be this persons friend. I feel you are right because it also effects you if she is friends with this person. You are more important than this new friend and a choice should be made. You are uncomfortable with her being friends with him, then it should be explained and she should consider your feelings. Anything that is putting a strain on your marriage needs to be resolved. If you are uncomfortable about hearing about him, then she should not talk about him out of repeat for you. Her being friends with him is her being friends with him. You do not have to be friends with him and you do not have to hear about him either. You both need to focus on each other and you went through her cheating before so you both still need to focus on you and her. I would tell her that you both need to focus on each other to build a soild marriage and this friend is an interference in your marriage.

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