How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask John-Michaels Your Own Question
John-Michaels
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 562
Experience:  25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
68372260
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
John-Michaels is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My husband moved into my two bedroomed flat where i live with

This answer was rated:

My husband moved into my two bedroomed flat where i live with my 10 year old son. We've had our ups and downs and his two girls from a previous relationship come and stay over every second weekend. We had to change my son's bedroom completely to make sure the girls felt it was home to them. ie bunk bed with a double bed and a single one on top. There has recently been more arguments over this arrangement, my son sometimes sleeps on the double bed as he says it's more comfortable and he can sleep better on that bed when the girls are not here. My husband disagrees with this and says thats the girls bed and that's the only thing they have in the flat thats theirs. I feel that he's being a bit too sensitive about this as the girls are not here when he sleeps in this bed. Am i being stupid? Also he says that its not fair that my son gets to use his room whenever he wants when the girls are here but i feel im stuck in the middle of this as im trying to keep things as normal as possible for my son and want to still give him. I've suggested that the girls get to use the bedroom one night and my son gets the room the other night to play etc as the room is also just a single room and it can be very cramped. This morning my son got up and i noticed that he had been sleeping on the double bed again. I asked why he had done that as that was the girls bed and he got upset saying his bed was not as comfortable and he like to sleep on the other bed when they are not here. I don't know what to do.
Welcome to JustAnswer! I am a Licensed Professional Counselor. Please note, this is not therapy, but information. I do hope I can help you though.

It does sound complicated. Mixed family situations can be very difficult....especially for the children. You said your son is 10. How old are the girls? I do want to help, but the answer to this question and any other details you can provide might be of help in my doi g so. Thank you!
Customer: replied 4 years ago.


Hi, the girls are aged 7 and 4. I do have toys and things for the girls at home but i currently keep these things in the living room as there is more space there for the girls to play but i have a feeling my husband would not agree with this either and would want all their stuff in the single bedroom, which would make the room more cramped than it already is.

Well, my thoughts are likely not going to totally satisfy either of you. Maybe I will come accross as a little narrow in saying this, but some might call this sleeping arrangement at least a little inappropriate. These girls probably do not need to be in the same room as your son. That is not making any accusations and nothing really wrong with it per sae. It is just may not be the best situation.

 

That said, I tend to agree with you. This is your son's home and his room. His space needs to be respected. On the other hand though, for a few days a month it is also the girls' room. They need some space to call their own as well. As an alternative, you might be able to place a hide-a-bed or sleeper sofa in the livi g area.. When they visit they get claim on that area of that section of the house. I know this is not ideal, but it does seem to be the most fair and appropriate arrangement in your current situation.

 

Not to slight your husband's predicament, because it certainly is real, but another option is to purchase or rent another living space to accommodate his daughter's visit. If that is not reasonable, you are going to have to do the best you can with what you have.

 

I understand your husband is trying his best to be accommodating to his children in the short time he has them. He wants them to feel like in the time they are there, they are home. Though I do believe moving your son out of his room is not the solution, I do feel that every other effort should be made to give these girls a sense that this is home. This arrangement is not their choice and they should not be punished for it. I am not sure what this means, but I suggest you and you husband pull your creativity together and find a solution that is suitable for all the children.

 

I hope that was helpful. If you have questions or wish to bounce ideas off me please feel free to. I really do want to be helpful to you and your family. Thank you!

John-Michaels and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Angie,

Hi! I appreciate you allowing me to help you maybe arrive at a solution the other day. I hope I was helpful. Let me know if I can help you in any other way.

John Michaels, MS, LPC