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Doctor Kevin
Doctor Kevin, Ph.D.
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1482
Experience:  24 years in a private practice
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I was seeing a guy for 2 months, and we just broke up. We met

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I was seeing a guy for 2 months, and we just broke up. We met by chance through mutual friends, and had a natural rapport, we hit it off immediately. We have an undeniable connection, and we both agreed that we'd never felt chemistry with anyone else the way we felt with each other. This says more for him as he is almost 27. We have much in common, including similar views, beliefs, and values, and even superficial things like taste in music. We spent a lot of time together in that first month and started dating officially about a month ago.

Since we've been together, money has been an issue for him. His car's transmission was bad when we started hanging out, and went out completely a couple of weeks into our spending time together. His computer had crashed before we started hanging out, so money was an issue at the time, including owing rent to his landlord, needing to fix his car, and lacking a computer. He has a job in the town in which we live, and a second job that he works on some weekends. His job in town is slowing down, and he had only worked a handful of days in the past two weeks. He was very attentive, and would call or text me daily to spend time together after I got off work or out of class (I'm 21 and still in college). He went on a work trip with a friend/coworker this past weekend and hadn't called me once. I was okay with this when I found out he had worked over 40 hours in 3 or 4 days. He texted me to let me know that he'd have to stay longer than expected, and when he got back into town we saw eachother briefly. I had to leave town the next day to visit family so we haven't had time together in a couple of weeks. I saw him on facebook chat (he wasn't returning my texts) and tried talking to him. He was polite which let me know he wasn't upset with me, but when I asked him what was up, he said that he 'has a lot going on' and is 'really stressed' and to be completely open and honest, isn't sure if he should be dating anyone right now. He says that a relationship is a big responsibility and he's got other things on his mind, and that he gets easily distracted. We talked on the phone and he said that he needs to get his life together and be an adult. He applied for a job earlier that day, and has been seeking work.

I wonder if the time apart was just enough time away from me for him to realize just how much he has to work through to get to a stable point in his life. I believe that he has a lot to handle before he is financially stable, but part of me thinks this may be an excuse. Granted, it's only been 2 months that we have been seeing eachother, but I feel that if the connection was as profound as we had agreed that it is, would it not be possible to just spend less time together, and still work through things? My friend was recently reading 'He's just not that into you', and I can't help but think now that this is all just an excuse, or that I just never really was a priority.
Thank you for choosing this website. You are wondering about your recent relationship with a man who seemed so considerate and shared so many interests in common. He had a series of financial setbacks in addition to having his work hours reduced. On the surface he is saying that he needs to become more financially independent before he can continue in the relationship. You are wondering why cannot still be in contact with each other while he goes through these financial hard times. Your point is an excellent one and should confront him about his expectations in being in a relationship. Tell him that you can offer some emotional support during these difficult times and do not want to give up the relationship. if he is indeed not as interested in you than he was before he will let you know by his response. Let me know how this turns out.
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