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Norman M.
Norman M., Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2536
Experience:  ADHP(NC), DHP, ECP, UKCP Registered, 10 years in relationship counselling, over 2,000 satisfied mental health customers.
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hi me and this lad have been getting on sooo well for a while

Customer Question

hi me and this lad have been getting on sooo well for a while and he calls me babe and gawjus etc n we memt up now and again but on fri he text me saying dnt wanna put us in a relationshio yet cus we dnt knoweach other that well and we need to slow things down, your falling for me to quickly bbe, i do like u but we definately nneed to slow it down xxxxxxxxxxx isthis a good thing and is he still interested
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Yes, he does sound still interested. Does not sound like he is cutting you off or does not want to continue. It sounds like he does want to continue getting to know you better and he does like you. However, he just feels like it is going to fast. Maybe he felt you getting too serious quicker than he had planned. I would say just keep enjoying the time you share together and getting to know each other better. Don't try to rush things and do not worry about him not being interested. Just continue it and let it go where it is going. It seems like it is on the right track.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

So you think he is still interested 100% from that text he sent and also afta that text he wanted me to see his mum and he text me saying hey baby bad news my bo as kicked off im guna ave to stay round my mams fellas im so sorry gawjus xxxxxxxxxxxx and then asked to see me another night

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Relist: Incomplete answer.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.
He is basically saying that he wants you to slow down that your feelings for him are intense. But this is not in anyway a bad things because you are being truly honest about how you feel. He has no question that you care abut him and he is just saying that he cares and loves you to, so you can slow down a bit and enjoy the relationship. This is a good relationship that both people know how each other feels. This is a relationship that is going to progress and you both with create a bond and grown together. Every ting he has said so far points to that he cares for you. You both are in contact he explains how he feels, this is a relationship that has communication which is key in continuing to have a successful relationship.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

So from the texts that ive told you about about him calling me babe and gawjus he does still mean it and he as said he likes me just need to slow down n its not him backing away from me and he even asked me to stop ova on sat.


 


When we meet ev soooften he hugs me first n kisses me so i shudnt feel like he is over me and wants to forget mme

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Relist: Incomplete answer.
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.

I apologize I had some technical issues before. Yes, that is exactly correct. Just because he told you he wants to take it slow that does not mean at all he is backing away. He is still very interested and that is why he asked you to stop over. He seems very interested and just wants to slow down. That does not mean at all that he is not interested or does not want to continue. From everything you stated he definitely is interested

Expert:  Doctor Kevin replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for choosing this website. everything he is said to you has been positive and shows that he wants to continue the relationship. You however continue to doubt his intentions. You need to accept that this relationship is building slowly and show some patience. The fact that you want some emotional confirmation that the relationship is still on and he still likes you may eventually push him away.It's important not to smother him emotionally.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

so you honestly thiink he is fine woth me n just wants to take things slow

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.

Yes, That is correct. I think everything is fine and you should not worry.

If you are satisfied with all of my answers then please give me a positive rating. That is the only way that I am compensated and customer satisfaction is my goal.

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.

Hi, I noticed you did not rate my answer yet. If you are satisfied than please give me a positive rating, but not I would like to continue helping you until you are satisfied. I only get compensated with a positive rating and my #1 goal is customer satisfaction.

Thanks,

Jennifer

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Im really worried as not heard from him since fri


what makes you think he is fine and just wants to take it slow

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Relist: Incomplete answer.
Expert:  SLREED replied 1 year ago.
OK, I hope I can try to provide the clarification that you need in regards XXXXX XXXXX question. First I do think that he is still interested. The way in which you can tell this is because he sent you a text telling you that he wanted to take thing slow…If he wasn’t interested then he would not have even gave you the consideration of this. He also sent you a second text, letting you know that he had other plans so that you could not see his mother. Even though this was a disappointment to you, you have to look at it this way. At least he offered to introduce you to his mother and at least he told you that the plans cancelled, because once again if he was not interested he would have not done that either.

Now as far as not hearing from him since Friday. I would not worry about it too much because it has only been two days. The thing about it is, that he has already told you that you wanted to slow things down and that he does not want a relationship right now. This may also be code world for that he needs his space. It is not that he does not like you, it’s just that you guys are moving too fast. And he needs some space to do the other things that he wants to do, which is why he has not called this weekend.

So his way of not contacting you since Friday, is his way of having his own space. Perhaps he feels that at this stage, he does not want to talk to you every day, or perhaps he feels that at this stage he does not have to talk to you everyday. I would not look too much into it, he probably just got busy over the weekend with other plans.
If I were you, I would reframe from wanting to call or talk to him too much. He has already indicated that he feels that you are moving too fast. And trying to talk to him too much, may move him away from you, or give him the impression that you are too clingy. (Even if this is not the case). Therefore I would give it a few days. If after a day or two he does not call, then I would call him.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
So from all the texts that he's sent me in fri and he still calls me baby and gawjus he is still Interested and he also asked if I wanted to meet him
Expert:  SLREED replied 1 year ago.
Yes he is still interested. But just take what he said into consideration. He wants to get to know you more; you are not in a relationship yet. Therefore, all his actions…him asking to meet you, is just him trying to get to know you, more so that he can see if he wants to try to be in a relationship with you. But right now, from what I can tell, you guys are just in the dating phase, and that is how he is treating you. He is treating you like you guys are dating (in hopes to move to something more). So you can’t expect him to behave like you guys are in a full relationship, yet, because you are not. But I think his actions toward you are very appropriate and signal that he wants to get to know you more, perhaps into something more serious.
If you are satisfied with my answer please rate. Thanks
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Im at the place where he works n he's smiled at me n keeps staring just not spoke which then I think he's gone off me n his way out of things Is him saying he wants to slow things down
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Relist: Incomplete answer.
Expert:  SLREED replied 1 year ago.
Just because he says that he wants to slow things down that does not mean that he does not like you. He wants to slow things down to see if there is a possibility of a relationship.

I think you seem to think that because he is not giving you the type of attention that a boyfriend would give you that he does not like you. This is not the case. He does like you, but just wants to take it slow to see where things goes.

Taking it slow, means talking to each other, dating, going out from time to time, and maybe one day their may be a relationship if he likes you.

I think that you are looking way too much into his actions. When there is really no need. What he said to you is exactly what he means. There may be times that he will look at you and smile and not speak, that does not mean that he does not like you anymore. Some people do not feel the need to speak to you every time they see you at work. Sometimes a smile is enough.

You have to give the relationship time to develop and not try to over analyze everything that he does. Since you are not in a relationship he is probably not going to call you everyday, he will probably not want to see you every day, he may not want to be around you all the time at work. That does not mean that he does not like you.

I think that you are wanting him to behave like your boyfriend, when he isn't. He is just trying to get to know you. The way he sees it is that you two are just friends, that are trying to see if there is something deeper.

At this point, he more than likely does not know if there is something deeper with you, he is just has interest in you, wants to explore it further to see if there can be a relationship with you. Just look at his at that.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hes always staring at me n we have met a couple of times n he's the one that's came onto me and hugged n kissed me, n he told me he liked me fri n got called gawjus n bby. With loads of kisses but now I've seen him texting someone but I e not heard nething
Expert:  SLREED replied 1 year ago.
That is because you have to give him space. Like I have said before, he does like you. But you cannot overwhelm him with contacting him and expecting him to behave like you are in a relationship. He told you before that he feels that you are moving too fast. So give him space and wait until he contacts you. Let him figure out weather he likes you enough to be in a relationship or not.

Listen to what I am saying, he likes you, but he is not your boyfriend. It seems like you are expecting him to behave like he is your boyfriend. Someone can like you, hug you, and kiss you, BUT still not want to be in a relationship with you. That stuff is all psychical, he is talking about getting to know you more on an emotional level. He feels you are moving too fast, probably because you keep wanting him to give you more of a boyfriend commitment and he is not ready for that. You have to just give him space.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
How long shall I give him then to contact me I haven't heard from him since fri night n he Wudnt of text me them nice text me all that nice stuff would he if he didn't liked or think there's any chance
Expert:  SLREED replied 1 year ago.
It’s only been about two and a half days. That really is not that long, especially since he has already told you that he feels that you guys are moving too fast. I think that he will contact you this week, if he really likes you.

If he doesn’t I would wait at least until Friday, that way it has been a week since you heard from him. See the thing about men is that if they tell you that they feel that you are moving too fast, and you come on even stronger. Then it is going to drive him away. He is going to think to himself that if you want him to call you a lot when you guys are friends, then he think it is going to get worse if you are in a relationship.

So give it a week, so he does not feel like you are trying to crowd his space. It may seem hard, but its better to wait, then to do it too much and turn him off completely. But he will more than likely contact you by then.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Du u personally think from the texts he sent fri he guess still like me n will make things work
Expert:  SLREED replied 1 year ago.
Like I said before I think he still likes you. However, you said that you wonder if he would be willing to make things work. You guys really haven’t gotten that far yet. And I think that is what is causing the most confusion. He doesn’t know if he wants to make things work with you, because like he said he does not know you.

The point is that he would like to get to know you more so that he can make the determination if he wants to make things work or not.
I think that he is open to getting to know you, and I think that if you just get to know him and his personality, and he gets to know yours. That will determine if he wishes to move to the next level with you or not.

At this point, I really would not push the issues of a relationship. I would just talk to him, show him who you are. That way you both can make a decision if you want move into something serious or not.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Well we've known each other well over a year now and he has bin texting regularly n tells me how nice I am to him etc n like the text on fri saying bby n gawjus to me, n that he just didn't want to put us in a relationship yet makes me think that he does still like me n wants to end in a relationship he wanted me to meet his mum last week but his brother kicked off so cudnt Surely if he wasn't interested he Wudnt say all those nice things on fri would he and I've noticed he looks at me all the time what does that mean
Expert:  allymarie04 replied 1 year ago.
It sounds like the message he is giving you is just what he wrote...he needs to slow things down a bit. You obviously seem very interested in forming a relationship with him and are very excited about the prospect of being with him, but your excitement might be scaring him off a bit. It's too early to say, but perhaps this man has his own fears/issues of being in a serious relationship, and the prospect that you are moving closer together is giving him some anxiety, causing him to put the brakes on. If you are really interested in this guy, I would respect the fact that he is asking for more space, and ask him specifically how much he would like to see you for now (once a week, etc) and call (daily, every other, etc). If you respect these guidelines and he is still distancing himself further, he may have too many issues to form a close relationship with anyhow. Good luck!
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Ivd bin really poorly from worrying so much du u think he does mean everything
Expert:  Norman M. replied 1 year ago.
Several different professionals have given you the same opinion and advice, and I agree with them entirely. I don't honestly think that you are going to get different advice but what you need to do for your own peace of mind is to take on board what has been said and do something about it.

Talking about the issue any more will not solve it, but doing something about it along the lines that have been suggested will! What do you think?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

what do you think as all he as said he doesnt want to put us in to a relationship just yet as we dont know each other that well


 


however the same night he still asked me to sleep around his house its cuz his brother kicked off and started sniffing stuff that it didnt happen. He still called me gawjus and bbe and put lots of xxxxxxxxxxxx on the texts. however i havent heard from him for a week :( which is pretty normal for hikm tho.


 


I also go to the place where her works and he justs stares at me all night would you say hes still interested from all of that as surely if he didnt like me or eva ant to be in a relationship he would of said from the text

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Relist: Incomplete answer.
Expert:  Norman M. replied 1 year ago.
What is the problem? You have had 13 answers that have told you the same thing, various professionals have given yo the same information. We do want to help!

Can you please tell me why you think my answer was incomplete?

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