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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1137
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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if you dont mind could you still answer the last question

Customer Question

if you don't mind could you still answer the last question i sent you. I have talked to my son and he helped shed some light and helped me to want to live....Thank-you for the support.Theresa..I will wait for your answer.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.

jenhelant :

I am sorry I do not see your last question. Did you see my response to your question from yesterday. Did you respond there? I will check there.

Customer:

Did you get my first question I sent you Jennifer?

Customer:

I am so obsessed with this guy. I really feel in my heart that he cares deeply for me but is scared because of the 3 failed marriages he has had.He has a wall up but why keep me around if he feels I am a threat to his feelings? Could he just be comfortable where we are? He knows I care for him more than friends . He is a kind, gentle person and doesn't like to hurt anyone..then why lead me on if he knows I care more and he doesn't? His he also hoping that the walls with come down as well? There is such a strong chemistry between the two of us. Oh, Jennifer, I have fallen in love with this man. If I lose him it would be like another death to me.

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.
Our chat has ended, but you can still continue to ask me questions here until you are satisfied with your answer. Come back to this page to view our conversation and any other new information.

What happens now?

If you haven’t already done so, please rate your answer above. Or, you can reply to me using the box below.
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.

Hi Theresa,

am so sorry about my technical issues before. I actually wrote out a response and lost it because my computer froze up.

I think you are correct in how you are thinking about him putting up a wall. Based on everything we spoke about before and what you wrote now I do believe that he has strong feelings for you as well. I too think he probably has that wall up due to his past history. Sounds like he is scared of getting hurt or failing. It does not sound like he is leading you on in a negative way. He too has feelings for you and is not using you. He just has that wall up. Really if you have told him how you feel then you only have two options left. You can wait it out and enjoy the time together and go from there or you can let him go. However, it does sound like he is a good man and feels the same for you, but not yet ready. I think if you stood and went with the flow there is a good chance the wall would come down, but if that hurts you too bad then you would need to make a decision. Also, he does feel like he is comfortable with the ways things are. You ever here the saying if it ain't broke why fix it. He is happy with the relationship and most likely feels things might mess up if he changes it.

You have very good insight to everything.

Jennifer

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

If you feel there might be a good chance of that wall coming down..I am going to wait it out. He is a very good man and worth it. I never pressure him, chase him, call him...ect.......God blessed me with patience..cry alot at home waiting but that's ok. I still feel he's worth it. I respect your opinion Jennifer and I know you would be upfront with me, I feel you always have and just tell me what i want to hear and I thank-you for that. I feel much better after talking to you.God Bless You I meant you Don't just tell me what i want to hear..sorry for the mix up

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.

Thank you for those words. You are right I am honest with you and don't just tell you want you want to hear. I am here to help and being honest is important. I am glad that you feel better and I am here whenever you need.

You want to wait it out and I do think that is a good choice based on everything we spoke about. I just hope you will be able to handle that. I do believe there is a good chance of the walls coming down and he sounds like a good person. As you said he is worth it.

And don't just look at it as waiting for him because the two of you are in a relationship and it's not a waste of time since it's not like he is with someone else and you are just waiting, so you can feel good about this type of waiting. There is no need to cry. Be happy with the times that you share together because we both know he does like you more than a friend. He shows you that and actions do speak louder than words. So use this time as getting to know him better and better as well as enjoying each others company. In truth you both are in the process of growing your relationship and are already much more than friends, so don't be sad about it.

You will be in my prayers. God Bless you.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

My friend you have made me so much at ease with all of this. it's kinda funny, i just realized that the two of us have only known each other going on 6 months now. I need to keep reminding myself of that.From now on I will put all doubt away and like you said enjoy the time we are getting to know one another better. When those negative thoughts come in concerning this situation, I will try real hard to shut the door on them!!! Oh yes, I will wait especially if i know there is a chance.even a slight one.Also you have just confirmed what's been in my heart concerning him but this crazy mind(thoughts) have made me go against it....God Bless You My New Friend...I will always come to you

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.

I am so glad that you feel this way. I think that you reached another level tonight with this whole situation. I am so happy for you.

Thank you for all your kind words to me. I appreciate them.

I will be here for you.

Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1137
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Jen Helant and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.
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Jen Helant
Jen Helant
Counselor
1137 Satisfied Customers
I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.