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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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My boyfriend came out with a comment a couple of weeks ago

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My boyfriend came out with a comment a couple of weeks ago that I cant shake off. He said 'I think you are more into me than I am into you'. at the time my jaw dropped and i reacted incredibly defensively. I wanted to leave (his house) but he immediately started back tracking and in the following week, was making loads more effort than normal. We have been together a year and it has been perfect. He's not a particularly affectionate guy but I love him and trust him. Im not the type of girl that needs constant reassurance.
However, last night we went out together (drinking) and I had my phone stolen, and got really angry. He rubbed salt in the wound by calling me an idiot. This escalated into a heated argument where by i gave it the old 'you dont love me'spiel, which had been brewing since his comment 2 weeks ago. This morning he told me to leave. I am obviously feeling terrible, and I know I was in the worng last night... but part of me feels he wants out of this anyway, and that this was merely an excuse. The problem is, he is on a long term course of anti depressants, so I am never quite sure how he's feeling. He has been on them since we met, and recently his dose was lowered. I also know that he has had councelling for relationships in the past. He was abandoned by his mother at an early age and i cant help feeling that this has massively effected how he deals with relationships. It feels like he is almost a 'fair weather boyfriend' and the reality is, sometimes i am going to behave badly. I dont know if / when he will contact me again but part of me feels like I should leave him, for self preservation more than anything. How should I deal with this? I love him unconditionally, but I am feeling seriously vunerable.

Love should to make you feel bad or vulnerable. You should feel stronger as a couple. I do agree that he sounds like a fair weather boyfriend. Taking medication should never be an excuse to hurt your partner's feelings. If he is calling you names then he is disrespecting you and that can be a view of what could come in the future. Sometimes these glimpses can be a view of what he is really capable of. I would consider that when thinking of the future. His comment about him not being into you another glimpse. You should deal with this by considering whether this relationship has taken an ugly turn. Do you want to be with someone who considers investing less in the relationship than you do. Consider what you have to accept to be with him. He has given you a clue into his thinking and you would have to accept a somewhat neutral commitment. I would consider whether this is enough.

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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I think you are right. i just dont want to accept yet another failed relationship. I think i love too easily. I am more likely to blame myself for everything than accept that maybe he just isnt the one.


The thing is... most of the time what i feel from him is a love i have never felt before. And part of me hopes that he does truly love me but he's just scared of it. I guess that is an easier think to think than the likely reality...


I could finish this today. but it would tear me in two. But i feel like i am on eggshells with him. I dont think i can go on scared of making mistakes incase he pulls the rug from under my feet.


relationships are hard work.


You have to accept that this is not healthy without being the bad guy. It takes two people to end a relationship and in this case he seems to be the one not willing to work on this. You seem to be the one making this work. You may by move on find someone who is as loving and committed as you are. Reality has to play in at some point. He may be scared but you can't spend years waiting. He has to want a relationship not just on his terms. I think that he has very poor relationship skills resulting in your feelings that you are working on egg shells. That doesn't make him an ideal mate and you need to have someone who nurtures your personality and your emotions.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.


best wishes

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