How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dear Debra Your Own Question

Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1835
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
57081136
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dear Debra is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Hi. In January a new girl started my yoga class. We gradually

Customer Question

Hi. In January a new girl started my yoga class. We gradually got to know eachother and around May time i finally plucked up the courage to ask for her number. We started texting and to be honest i was just getting the feeling from her that she wasn't interested as her texts were quite blunt, so i stopped texting. She had also informed me that she had broken up with her boyfriend of 7 years in January.(they also lived together)

After a week or 2 though she began contacting me again and i was getting a different vibe from her, we started chatting for ages after our yoga class and eventually went out on a date which went really well. I had a friend's wedding shortly after and she drove 50 miles to join me at the evening reception. However in between she told me that her and her ex were going to a concert together as they had bought the tickets before they split!! But assured me they were going as friends and she didnt love him anymore. I was ok with this. (kind of)

Anyway, we had a great time at the wedding and a few days later we went away for a nite which also went well. However she had said to me from the start that she didnt want a relationship and because we were beginning to like eachother we decided to let things sit and be friends. That was a friday and i hadn't planned on contacting her. She then text on the sunday nite to say she missed me and that she hadn't slept well the nite before thinkin about me and said the whole thing was so silly. So we said we would start seeing eachother again casually and see what happens.

We then decided to go away for a couple of nites on 23 August and to go to a concert together.
One nite after yoga we were chatting about us and she said " i dont think u want a relationship", i replied that i was happy the way things were. What i meant to say was i did, but only when she was ready. ( I didnt want to put any pressure on her by saying i did want a relationship now) I text her the next nite then and got no reply and saw her a week later at yoga, i asked her was all ok and she said she had "forgot to text back and had been very busy"!! That nite she also gave me £50 for her concert ticket. Because she was being off with me i text her the following nite to say i didnt really want to go away with her when she was acting like this and that i would give her her money back the next nite at yoga....i haven't seen or heard from her since and she never missed her classes!! That was 7th August i last saw her.

I dunno what has happened...i do think it's to do with her ex. She told me at the start they had just "fell out of love" in January, had tried to get back in April but it just didnt work. I know rightly she had her heart broke cus she said to me when we started seeing eachother: "you better not hurt me"!!.
I think she has either got back with her ex, found out he is with someone else, or just doesent want to be with me. If she was going with him again then why give me £50 for the ticket? Also why just completely ignore me and not go back to yoga?
Please advise.
Confused.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
I feel that she did want a relationship but was scared to get hurt by you. She just ended a long relationship and was nervous about starting a new one and making that commitment. When you said you like things the way they were, that was not the answer she wanted to hear. She wanted to hear you wanted a relationship. You should have answered how you really felt about her, you thought you would push her away, but that wasn't the case, she wanted to know lf you and her had a future together or were things going to just be like this. When you answered she felt things were not progressing since she walked away discouraged because she thought you wanted more in the relationship. She might be embarrassed and this is why you do not see her. I want you to contact her and tell her that you didn't want to push her away even though you wanted a committed relationship. Explain you wanted mire but were to afraid to tell her in fear you would lose her.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi. Thanks but she hasn't replied to my last 3 text messages. After the last time we spoke i text her the following nite to ask was sure she sure nothin else was bothering her, then text to say we shouldn't go to the concert. I'm afraid if i do text she might not reply again!

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
I want you to write her a letter on how you feel about her so she knows. She has backed off. Because shred is afraid to get hurt so she cut off all contact. If you write her a letter the will see how you feel and she can read it at her own pace. Then she could respond knowing that you do care and want to be with her.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I'm also afraid to contact her incase she has got back with her ex. That really would be tough to take. I really dont know what to do as if i feel i was getting mixed feelings from her from the start!!

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
You are afraid she got back with her ex what if she didn't and you are missing out on being with her. You obviously care about her and want to be in a relationship with her, but she doesn't know that and that is why you should tell her how you feel about her so she knows.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Do you honestly believe from what i told you that she does want to be with me?

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
I believe that she was looking for more in the relationship when she asked that question and you answered you like things the way they are, but right now she is hurt by you not wanting more and this is why you need to tell her how you feel and why you said what you said.You care about her and you should not go on wondering what could have been you need to let her know that you are still here and looking to get back together. You even could start off as friends to take the pressure off in the beginning and see where the relationship progresses. She has only backed off because she thought you didn't want more and I believe she was hurt that you didn't want more in the relationship. If you could please accept my answer.
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1835
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Dear Debra and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi. Thanks for your advice, have tried contacting her but she doesen't wanna know.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Counselor
Dear Debra
Dear Debra
Counselor
1835 Satisfied Customers
I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.