thanks for your reply. my text to him was very casual suggesting that he and i should catch up with each other, as to have a casual chat.
even so, if he cared much for me, he would have jumped to replying to the text, wouldn't he?
in fact, i wrote a letter before the text , but was persuaded by my friend to send the text instead. in the letter, i explain why i could not answer to his request at the time, and i also explained the reasons why i hoped to be friends instead. i felt that he was very cautious about me during the time while we were going out. he segregated his work from me and was unhappy if i asked him personal questions. he never asked about me. due to the problems as described, i did not know and still do not know how to be boyfriend/girlfriend due to what i perceived.
Q1) i am wondering whether it is good to write about the problems and explain because of them, he and i should be just friends now.
Q2) is it true that if a guy truly loves a woman would jump to the opportunity provided in order to see that woman? if so, his not replying is a manifestation that he does not really like me that much, isn't it?
Q3) after 6 months of separation, if a guy still ask the girl out, would that mean anything?
Q4) some experts suggest that i should only write about the good things but not the bad, if i want to get him to accept me. some suggest to be honest without using the tactics of avoidance. what are your views?
as i get different views on all the confusing queries, i asked you to give your opinion so that i could have perhaps a better judgement about it all. and i thank you for this.
i thank you for your reply and assessment. but i am very confused because in the text, i wrote: i have thought about your suggestions and have decided that it could be nice if we could catch up with each other. didn't the content mean' yes, we should meet up ?'
i am not a native english speaker and the guy in question is american. i do not know how the context of the text would be perceived as. please advise.
another question is that, as i am quite a difficult woman because my perceptions of genuine love, beauty or kindness, he might have a change of heart since i portrayed myself as being stubborn and demanding again.
bear in mind that he did take my criticism to begin with and still asked me out later on. yet, as i said, he might have a change of heart after our departure, and this is why he did not reply to my text. no?
all possible scenarios, but please tell me your view and why.
you are very kind and brave, but i am not brave. i never asked men out in my life. i would come home and cry but open my mouth to ask, unless, unless i do not fancy the guy. the more i care about, the more difficult it is for me to say such thing.
and quite frankly, those men who like me do not really want me to initiate anything, they are used to my being in the passive position.
perhaps, he lost the interest because i changed my mind and sent the text to agree.
if i could ask men out, especially the one i care about, i would not have sought opinions on whether men would jump at the first chance to see the women they love, or asking why this guy did not reply to my text.
i guess, you can only see the overall picture of the account and give me the advice according to that. i do appreciate that. but i cannot ask unless i know that he does care for me, or if i do not care about him.
q) is it possible that men would retreat from contacting because their girlfriends told them not to when breaking up? most people think if a man loved a woman very much, he would contact the love one irrespective of what she said. correct?
i hope you could help me out by answering honestly, because i am like a stupid teenager when it comes to handling my love affairs. q) i cannot ask him out since he did not reply to my last text as well as for my pride. what should i do as the alternative? the letter?
yes, i could understand your views about current phenomenon of men's attitude. i think perhaps that is what is all you think should be done. thank you.
thanks for the extra reply. in fact, both he and i were trying to keep things between us a secret. when he was chasing after me at the beginning, he did not mind at all if my community knew about it. but last time when he turned up for our mutual friend's invitation, he tried to keep things a secret.
it was only when our mutual friend was away, he started talking to me about us. then accepted my criticism then asked me out. i think our mutual friend has left england for good. so there is no one to help me now. remember that i told you that i was angry with my friend for putting me in such a situation having to face him. my friend was being kind, but i did not think she would actually invite the guy out, so i had a shock, which means, even with another mutual friend, i would not ask him or her to do such thing, as i did not ask the previous one to make the date.
this leaves to only one option and that is to write. another option is to wait until the next tw governmental function, because he is normally invited by the embassy. the latter is not what i favour because i feel that he feels that he has enough of me, therefore he did not reply to my text. unless he did not receive my text. q) you have said earlier on that texts can get lost. is it a true fact that happens to people?
now i am swing between writing or waiting until oct when there is the
function. but that won't guarantee he will attend this time.
i feel he is probably unhappy about my changed mind from not accepting his invite to accepting it. he probably did not like the fact that i changed my mind to accepting it. q) do you think this is possible judged from your experience and about my case specifically please?
i gave you a ok rate because you did not want to know the reasons that i asked around, it has a lot to do with my personality, otherwise i would have asked the guy out to talk six months ago. i need the reassurance from the experts to assess why he did not reply to my text, so i can adjust my writing. you were quite right about not writing the bad that happened in the past. i think more people think that that should not be done. you have been also quite helpful as i do ask all kinds of questions with all kinds of scenarios.
you are very kind to reply. thank you. i shall accept your answer and give a better rating. thank you very much.
in the previous passage somewhere, you mentioned about my suggestion of being friend with the guy, i do not know what you meant, cause i did not suggest such a thing. i sent him a text and said that it could be nice if we could catch up with each other. did you mean that that was the message giving the impression of being friends?
I did not suggest to him that he and i should be just friends. i only sent a text saying we should catch up with each other. i was and am asking you if the text message implied a ' friendship' instead of 'getting back together'? or how would a man perceive the message when he received one like that?
thanks for your reply, it did clarify the meaning of catching up. are you an american? i have been told that americans do not ask about each others' past when two people are courting, as they would consider it being impolite, is that correct?
i see. thank you very much for the reply. i asked the question because an american expert told me that americans consider asking about the past to be impolite. but it does not really matter now. you have been kind to help me with additional thoughts.
i think i've decided to write a letter instead. but i will only mail it after the 10 oct. i thank you once again and i think your profession is meaningful as most people may get confused in the middle of relationship. i shall rate you now.
you are so good at keeping up with your clients' needs. by writing and disclosing my feelings towards him as well as explaining why i behaved the way i did, i am reluctant about not mentioning his faults. i did tell him at the unexpected encounter, he did ask me out, but i am still not sure why he did what he did.
if what he did made me wonder about his sincerity, i need in the letter to address about it and let go at the same time, for in my thinking, it is to respect one's emotions instead of speculating his love for me from my part. although most of the experts said that the guy did care for me, i still cannot understand his not replying to my text. together with my dreams about that he did not like me at all, i am afraid that the dreams are the revelation of one's heart. my dreams are normally a revelation of one's desires, yet they are not always right.
this is why i have asked many experts' opinions. but i do not know whether they are more accurate than the dream itself.
i know i have just given you another task. you do not need to answer because i think this is out of everyone's ability to understand.
i appreciate what you said about dreams in a general term. my dreams are not as you translated. my dreams disclose/ reveal one's desires and needs of the person that i dream about.
i wish to write about beings friends with him as well for i think the past has cast some doubt about his sincerity about me. i hope to rebuild trust by being friends first, then to see what that will lead us. i think trust between two people is important and that is one of the reasons why i could not say 'yes' to his suggestion of going out.
one cannot just want to impress another person by stating only good things because if they had been all that good then there would not have been ended with a breakup.
i still want to be me as an honest person true to my heart and my belief. i can try to let go of my high standards about all the things i believe in and from others, but i understand that i require myself to be a truthful person. so asking to be friends is a respectful way for him and myself. if he really cares about me, he will want to work at it.
i hope you will agree, won't' you?
sorry for not rating. i got you message and will rate later on.
there were other relationship experts suggest that i should send the letter before the function which is held on 4 oct. my mother, however, believes that i should wait and try to see if he will be at the function and perhaps to see if we can talk.
there is no guarantee that he will be there and there is a possibility that he may not speak to me. and if that is the case, i cannot afterwards send the letter to speak of the truth.
am confused. and if you happen to know what to advise, it will be good. i know this is a very difficult situation and if you cannot help, not to worry.