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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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I have a problem. Ive been saying this guy close yo three years off and on. I'm a single mom. I found out in my past he wasn't been faithful. He started a long distance relationship with a girl he met online in 2003. And had other relationships going on as well. It seems like when he was still in a relationship. He was finding a replacement and once he finds one he slowly breaks it off. The reason we still see each other is because he has helped me and my daughter with being very nice by buying me things for my apartment just because I need it and I never ask from him. He really good to my daughter and he helped with my depression with overcoming domestic violent relationship before he came in the picture. But as far as I know he has a long distant relationship still going on but he spends time with Ms but when she comes in the area or he goes to see her. I don't hear from him much. He still contacts me but he contacts me less. I try to leave the situation because I really do care for him and it hurts that hes seeing other women because hes not sure if he wants to be with me. But he still contacts me to see if I'm okay or need anything or my daughter.How did I found out about these other relationships? He sometimes forget to log off on his email on my computer. And I saw text messages saved on his google account. He started to hide things on Facebook. And I researched the girl he was seeing online on Facebook and they had pictures of them together. His sister and his mom knows about this other relationship and I met his family more than once and have a good relationship with them. I confronted him about this relationship and he told me that he could take the stress of my past relationship from the domestic violence going back and forth to court and the fact my daughter is not his. And that he didn't want to hurt my feelings. He still wants me in his life. He won't say I rather us be friends. I told him you need to decide and there were times we didn't talk for days to weeks. Because I made that decision and then he would text me saying he miss me and my daughter and wants to know if we are okay. But then he would lie that he's visiting family to Richmond but I see he went to see her in Georgia. I always check her page on Facebook and she post pictures of them together and he has an another Facebook account where she can post things and he post just two pictures of them. But each and every picture I've seen he doesn't look happy. After he sees her,he always contacting me even when he's with her. When he's with her,he text me less but he always contacts me. I'm the one that stop texting him first and calling because even though we are still talking I know he still has this relationship going on. And when she's not around locally he's asking for my attention. He's family is aware of what he's doing but they won't tell me and smile in my face like I have no clue. I stop coming over his family house when I first found out about it. But he does make his way and effort to come see me every weekend. When I'm sick. He would feel bad and go to the store to buy me medicine without me asking and stop by for a few mins to make sure I take the medicine and then leaves. He would come every weekend to spend time with me and my daughter of we don't meet that weekend he would try another day. But it bothers me that he can do these sweet things but can't commit to me and would hide other relationships from me.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 4 years ago.
He sounds like he loves and cares about you and is willing to do anything fir you, but he has this other relationship that he seems to be stuck in like he get move forward. It is obvious that he wants yo be with you, but has this other person in his life girl a reason. I feel you should ask why she is in husband life. Why are you not the only woman in his life. He owes you an explanation. I would tell him him you feel about him, why him seeing someone else bothers you social with his family knowing. Explain exactly how you feel. He sounds like a very kind and considerate person and loves doing things to help you but having someone else he sees utter seems like he is not ready for a fully committed relationship. He might be torn on his feelings for you both.