How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask SLREED Your Own Question

SLREED
SLREED, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 217
Experience:  MS Marriage/Family therapy. Four years as a counselor.
20550412
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
SLREED is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I am married but have been seeing another woman for over 6

Customer Question

I am married but have been seeing another woman for over 6 months. My wife is now more like a friend/sister to me after being together for over 14years.
My mistress is also married and doesn't want to leave her husband, but I am considering leaving my wife and living alone.
do you think that would be a wise move?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  SLREED replied 2 years ago.
I think that weather it is a wise move or not depends on you. I am going to try to put things into perspective so that you can determine which way to go. If you guys have been married for 14 years, it is a bit normal for things to kind of mellow out in the bedroom, or for the relationship to become very ritualistic or even boring at times. So I would want you to evaluate weather you see yourself actually living and being without your wife, or are you just bored with her right now. Because if you are bored with just her, there are things that can change that. Couples counseling may be in order so that can give you guys some more tips on how to rekindle you relationship.

If you feel like you do not want to be with your wife anymore. I want you to dig deep and actually think of why you feel this way. Is it because of the affair? Often times when people start affairs, it is so exciting and new that things lose perspective. Even if your mistress did leave her husband, where do you feel that this would leave you? Have you guys ever had a meaningful conversation? Had a chance to date out in public? Or is your chemistry just in the bed room? The reason why I asked, is because if you want you leave your wife, you really have to think of why. Do you feel that you will still see the mistress, and if her husband finds out or she stops seeing you, and you leave your wife, where you that leave you? Even if you choose not to continue the relationship with your mistress, how do you view your bachelor life being? The reason I asked is because people often envision that it will be great, but when it happens it is nothing like they thought. Leaving them feel like that acted impulsively.

No one can make this decision for you, the only thing I would like for you to do is to put everything into perspective and not act on impulse. I would want you to think about whether you would want to leave your wife, if the affair had never happened. I also want you to think about the reason why you want to leave your wife…is it because of sex or boredom? Or is it because you really do not love her anymore and see no reason that it could ever work for you?

If you answered the first, then I would say the relationship is worth fixing, it just that one aspect. I think if your answer is the last question, then you have your answer of weather you need to leave or go. Just keep in mind, that once you leave on impulse your family will be changed forever. Your actions just don’t impact you but your whole family, so if you leave, be sure, and very sure that this is what you want, and you see no other way to be happy.
SLREED, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 217
Experience: MS Marriage/Family therapy. Four years as a counselor.
SLREED and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  SLREED replied 1 year ago.
It was my pleasure to assist you with this question, if I can ever assist you with another question, be sure to come back and ask. Be sure to put SLREED in front of the question, and I will be sure to answer it at my earliest.

The best to you.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

thank you for your last reply.


I have thought about it a lot.


I don't want to be with my wife and its not because of the affair. The affair was borne out of not being satisfied with the relationship with my wife.


I now know that it wasn't just about sex/boredom. Its about lifestyle and attitudes.


 


we are poles apart. Im not saying Im right and she is wrong, but we don't click.


Im not happy with the effect that her insecure, pessimistic , negative outlook are having on our children. She has made a situation for herself that she can't deal with and she is making the same limits for our two children and that is unforgivable.


If I don't do something they will suffer, if I do they will suffer. in the meantime we all suffer and don't enjoy life.


Im at a loss to come up with a solution - i don't want my children to suffer. Yet, they will if we are together.


I feel the best way is to be apart and me to have the children but that will never happen because of the law.


 


 

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions