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SLREED
SLREED, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 217
Experience:  MS Marriage/Family therapy. Four years as a counselor.
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My grownup son and daughter have fought for the very first

Customer Question

My grownup son and daughter have fought for the very first time, son is 8 yrs older, first trip overseas together, first trip for her with brother, talked to both via phone,tears, hurts, embarressing for both, couldnt talk to one another, son went and hugged her hours later, they were due to come home the next day. We have not yet talked about their conflicts, we love them both dearly, I am afraid if we dont talk now things will never be resolved. Am I been to impatient?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  SLREED replied 2 years ago.
I think it depends on the type of fighting that you mean. If it was a verbal argument between siblings. Then this is something that is fairly normal, all siblings have an argument from time to time, and if this is there first one then I would say that there is nothing major to worry about. I think the fact that they are both remorseful, that says that they care for one another and that they were deeply upset about the situation. I also think that it is good that your son hugged her a few hours later. That showed her that he still cares for her and is not angry with her or blames her after their disagreement. The good thing about children that are 8, is that they never remain upset for a long period of time. They go to school and become mad at a friend and two days later they are friends again. I think it will be the same here.

If you do choose to talk about it, I would not harbor on the argument or what happened during the argument. I would focus on telling them about forgiveness and how family is important to one another. I would also remind them of their past bond and their loving relationship toward one another as a way to assist them in getting over their argument faster. Like I said, if it is a verbal argument I would not worry too much.

Now if it was a physical altercation. I would need to know a little bit more about the situations. Being that your son is an adult and your daughter is only 8. I would need to know the extent of the fight and what happened. If it was a physical altercation I do think that there are some basic things above that you can cover with them though to get them to forgive one another faster. That included the section on asking them to forgive one another reminding them about being family. However, if the fight was physical it may take much longer to forgive, because your daughter is 8 and your son is an adult, so she may feel a form of distrust by him, in the fact that he actually hit her. I would have to know more about the situation if this was the case.
SLREED, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 217
Experience: MS Marriage/Family therapy. Four years as a counselor.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi I'm sorry my daughter is 19 yrs and my son is 27 it sounds physical, yes i to feel a form of distrust by her towards him, however i am still in the unknown as to what happened, i feel i am intruding if i ask, i know that it is a matter of importance for family relationship,especially for their future, she lives 100s of miles away from us and i do intend on bringing her home i dont want to leave this to long.


Thank you

Expert:  SLREED replied 2 years ago.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.


Kia ora rawa atu. Thank you very much.

Expert:  SLREED replied 2 years ago.
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