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Alicia_MSW
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 493
Experience:  Specializing in relationship/family counseling
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i met the man i was waiting for and had the best 2 weeks of

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i met the man i was waiting for and had the best 2 weeks of my life and now it is time for him to go back to the city he works in - the vacation is over- do u see us in the future living together ?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 1 year ago.
Hi again,

Congratulations -- and I am glad to hear from you again. I was wondering how things ended up working out for you two -- and apparently they've worked out very well, aside from the issue of essentially living (right now, anyway) on opposite sides of the world. It sounds like you had the connection with him in person that you experienced on Skype and that you were hoping for. To be perfectly honest with you, there is no "real" reason things cannot work out between the two of you. And I do get a feeling that things could work out if you are both on the same page and are willing to put in the effort to make it work. I don't think he would have flown all the way from Dubai to New York to meet you if he was thinking that this would just be a fling, for example. So now the next step is to ask yourself (and have a long conversation with him about his feelings regarding the possibility of living together, if you haven't already) if you are willing to make these changes to be with him (or vice versa - in fact, it's most likely going to be a combination of compromises.) You might want to sit down and give yourself a bit of time today or tomorrow (whenever you can get a moment to yourself - I'm not sure if you're already back home yet) to just sit quietly and tune in to what your heart is telling you. Sometimes, you just *know* that you're meant to be with someone, even if you've only physically been in their company for a week (or two, in your case.) I do believe it can work out - and I know many people in situations like yours who have made drastic changes in their lives to be with the person they felt was "the one," and it usually works out if they can handle the changes in physical environment or living situation (or whatever the particular change would be based on the specific situation.) So you really have to ask yourself if this is the case for you - the practical issues will sort themselves out, one way or another. The most important thing in life (in my opinion) is being with someone you love and who loves you. Work is important, having a sense of being fulfilled in your career is important, but it's not everything. I know that was one of your concerns the last time we talked.
So I do see a future for you living together, and if you're both in agreement that you want to be together, then there's no real question. It's really just a matter of sorting the "rest" out (in terms of the practical issues.)

Thanks for getting in touch, and please let me know if you have any more questions or if you want to talk some more. I'll be offline for a bit today, so please just be patient if I don't reply right away.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

i just broke it off with him -


i don't sense he is honest with me -


do u see anything weird about him ?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Relist: Incomplete answer.
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 1 year ago.
Hello,

Sorry for the delay and thanks for your patience. You're obviously having second thoughts about this, and that makes sense, because it involves a huge life change. But I also sense that you're letting your fear get the better of you. In our initial conversation before you met with him, you were explaining that you felt insecure and full of self-doubt because you felt that he wasn't going to like you or be interested in you for the "real" you. Prior to your most recent message, I did not feel that there was anything indicating that he was being "weird" with you.
But the bigger question is why you feel like he's not being honest with you. You have to follow your gut feelings about this. You can't make as big a decision as this entails if you don't feel like you can trust him from the beginning. If your gut is telling you there's something funny about him or something dishonest, then you have to listen to this.
However, you did say that you had the most amazing 2 weeks of your life with him, so perhaps there's something deeper going on with you that's leading you to pull away from him, and I'm not entirely sure if it's because he's dishonest or because you are fearing what may happen if you decide to follow your heart.
Once again, please feel free to reply.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

he was hiding something about him having sex affairs in the country he lives in and he told me he stopped this right when it got serious with me which is about 5 months ago but i saw things in his facebook by mistake that he still talks about this " sexual" acts until july which means he is dtill in thst mood even though he told me e is not so he is lying or hiding even though i made him learn that he can tell me anything

Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 1 year ago.
So I would say that following your gut instinct on this is smart. If he was having the affairs just prior to and up until he met you in person, and lied about stopping these affairs (or is still feeling like this is something he wants to continue, even if he's not actually "doing" anything), then there is definitely something shady going on, or at least something that would give me a major reason to put a halt on moving things forward at this point. Even if you had a great time with him (as you said in your first message here), you have to ask yourself if you want to give up so much to be with someone who is not being completely honest with you from the beginning. It's not a good foundation for a relationship that involves so many changes of such monumental importance. In light of this new information you've shared, I would say that you are therefore smart to have ended things with him. You can see what happens in the future, if you should choose to stay in touch with him on a different level, but for now, then, it's smart to give yourself time to re-evaluate things. You deserve to be with someone who is going to be an open book and not hide things like this from you, because honestly, it doesn't give the relationship a truly positive start. I can understand that this must be causing you emotional turmoil, but I do think that you've made the right move.
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 493
Experience: Specializing in relationship/family counseling
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