How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question

Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dr. Shirley Schaye is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I have cheated on my partner several times now, does this mean

Resolved Question:

I have cheated on my partner several times now, does this mean I don't love him or could it just be my personality?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 3 years ago.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Thank you for contacting Just Answer. It would be very hard to know that never having seen you for a consultation in my office. By that I mean one would need to conduct a detailed history to understand why this has happened.


Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Let me ask you a few questions --- maybe that will shed some light on what is going on with you.


Dr. Shirley Schaye :

How old are you? How old is he? How long have you been together? How many relationships have you been in prior to this relationship? Has the infidelity been a problem in previous relationships? What about your parents? What was their relationship like? Did your mother cheat on your father or your father on your mother? What about your partner --- Has he cheated on you?


Dr. Shirley Schaye :

What is your relationship like with your partner other than you cheating? Are you happy with one another? Unhappy? So you can see that I am full of questions. Without knowing the answer to some of these questions, I would not have any idea about why you have been cheating on your partner. Tell me as much as you can so I may be able to understand your situation better.


Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I see that you are offline now. I'll check back later to see if you have entered anything. If you respond back to me just put DR. Shirley Schaye before your response and I will be the one to respond.


Customer: Dr shirley schaye
Customer: I am 28 and he is 29, been together about 4 years now...ive been in many a relationship and have cheated on all of them except one
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Hi there.


Customer: My mum and dad are still happily married no
Customer: No cheating
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

If you have cheated on all of them then my guess would be that it is something about your personality.


Customer: My brother however had an affair in his marriage
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Have you ever been in therapy?


Customer: I am happy most of the time although get bored very easily
Customer: Once, tried cbt but didnt help me...this was for different reasons
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

You see it's hard to say never having met you to know why you keep cheating. However if this keeps happening in other relationships then it speaks to a problem you are experiencing.


Customer: Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX il book in for therapy
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

CBT does not help much. It gives one behavioural strategies rather than look for the deeper psychodynamic reasons why somebody does what they do.


Customer: Would it be a relationship counsellor??
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

But before you book in for therapy let me help you find the right kind of therapy.


Customer: What therapy would you suggest? Yeah i found cbt useless :(
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Where in the UK do you live?


Customer: Scotland...aberdeen
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I will give you a link to a website where all therapists have extensive training. Contact them and let them know that you are in Aberdeen, Scotland and they will give you a contact there.


Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Give me a minute I am going to get the link to send to you. I'll be right back.


Customer: Ok, thank you very much x
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

A therapist who has postgraduate training is very skilled and will certainly be able to help you move past this point and therefore help you live a fullfilling life.
So here is the link to the British Psychoanalytic. All people who are eligible to become members of the British Psychoanalytic are qualified to help you. If you cannot afford a full fee, you should ask them to provide someone who is in training (They are very well supervised by senior supervising members) so that you can see someone for a low fee if need be. Those in Training still have more training than if you choose a therapist who is not a member.
Anyone with a membership at the British Psychoanalytic, has, as I have said, the right kind of training to dig deep into your unconscious and help you work through your unconscious conflicts that create the problems for you.

List of Psychoanalysts in the UK


Dr. Shirley Schaye :

If you can't find someone on your own contact them and have them help you find someone.


Customer: Thank you so much for your help xxx
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

You are most welcome. Please know that I am here for you and if you wish to contact me again just put Dr. Shirley Schaye before your response and I'll be the one to answer.


Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Please don't forget to rate me otherwise I do not get paid by Just Answer.


Dr. Shirley Schaye :

My goal is to provide you with EXCELLENT SERVICE so if you have any other questions, do not hesitate to ask me. As I said, just put Dr. Shirley Schaye before your response.


Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience: PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
Dr. Shirley Schaye and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Previous | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX

Meet The Experts:

  • Kate McCoy

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
< Last | Next >
  • Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist


    Satisfied Customers:

    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • Ms Chase's Avatar

    Ms Chase

    Life Coach

    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
  • Alicia_MSW's Avatar



    Satisfied Customers:

    Specializing in relationship/family counseling
  • Dr. Norman Brown's Avatar

    Dr. Norman Brown

    Marriage Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
  • Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L


    Satisfied Customers:

    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • Suzanne's Avatar


    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

Related Relationship Questions