AskJason : (My answers are intended as information and opinion only. I am not a Dr. or a licensed psychologist and can not offer counseling or medical advice.)
AskJason : Hi, my name is XXXXX XXXXX I'd be glad to chat with you about this.
So yeah I'm not sure what do in this situation
AskJason : May I ask, did you ever spend time with him again after that first day you went to the beach? I wasn't sure if you saw each other again after that or if he told you he didn't want anything serious before you ever hung out together again?
No we didnt, even thou he kept promising we would. We spent time together before that.
AskJason : Just to make sure I understand the history of your relationship, how many times would you say you spent time with him after that first date? Based on your reply above I'm thinking the answer is zero? If so, when you then said you spent time with him before that, did you mean time spent in class?
AskJason : Oh I see now. You spent time having talks in the car and when he gave you rides. Sorry I missed that at first.
AskJason : Ok so it's definitely troubling that you finally had that first date and after all his pursuing he all but disappeared on you after you finally gave in and had a date with him.
Well in class and after class, like I said he gave me rides after school, and he would park his car in the parking lot because we ended talking to each other for at least for a hour and its okay. He took me out to eat, to the movies and has taken me home after the last day of school which is aXXXXX we had dates before
AskJason : Ok, I'm understanding now. My apologies because I misunderstood the timeline at first. So now all of a sudden he tells you he doesn't want anything serious. I can see why that would leave you hurt and angry since it seemed up until that date to the beach you guys were progressing along nicely into a relationship. Maybe he's afraid to commit to a relationship? Maybe he was just looking to be physical with you and now that he has, he has lost interest in pursuing anything further? Obviously that wouldn't be a good sign regarding his character. I think you should try to call him and tell him how you feel. Let him know you were hoping to take the next step with him toward a more meaningful relationship. Ask him to just be honest with you and to tell you how he feels? Do you think you could do this?
I'm not sure if I could do that, I mean when we texted before I said to him that I like hanging out with him, he said why?, I told him I dont wanna say, he said tell me..., I told him that I liked him, that when he said I have to be honest with you, Im not looking for anything serious...just so you know....I said oh..., then he said he was in no spot for it right now
AskJason : Well it sound like he actually was very honest with you at that point. It would have been much better had he said this to you earlier in your relationship, perhaps before he made sexual advances and had some intimate moments with you. I think all you can do now is take things from here. If you've already told him you like him, and his response was he doesn't want anything serious, you have two choices. You could continue to see him casually, even having a casual sexual relationship, knowing in the long run he probably isn't going to commit to you. You're 20 years old and it's ok to have a casual relationship as long as both sides are willing, you practice safe and respectful sex, etc. The big drawback to this option is you run risk of really falling for him more, which may turnabout bad for you of he maintains his position that he doesn't want to get serious. Your other option is to tell him you'll no longer be texting him or calling him, and that you don't want to spend any time with him since you don't want to invest in a relationship that isn't going to go anywhere.
AskJason : Only you can make that choice, and you have to be ready for possible heartbreak if you choose to pursue a guy who is telling you he doesn't want to commit or get serious.
Well I thought we could be just friends but Im scared that he isnt going to want that because we went further before, also I havent texted him in a week and he has never texted me back, Im afraid to text him again just to have him ignore me or something, he kept telling me before that he felt so bad and like a asshole because he didnt have time to hang
AskJason : Texting can be a tough way to communicate. You don't get the benefit of tone of voice and that more personal interaction that comes with a live phone call. Are you willing to call him to try to communicate with him about how you're feeling and whether or not he wants to see you again? Being friends only will likely be very hard for you. It's tough to put the kind of feelings you're having aside.
We have never talked on the phone honestly, the only time I called him was when we had a planned date, he told me to call him in the morning so he can pick me up, which never happened because he overslept
AskJason : Blowing off your date due to sleeping late is just another example of his lack of desire to commit. He seemingly doesn't even like commiting to plans, never mind to a relationship. Again, I don't think you'll be happy trying to just be friends. That's for you to decide, and I'm just offering my opinion. Somehow you have to communicate with him again and either take the next step or get closure. It could be that he doesn't have the courage to tell you he doesn't want to hang out anymore. Insead of telling you this, he just ignores your texts. This obviously not only makes you feel bad, but also leaves you hanging. If you don't want to try to call him live, and I'd you no longer will see him in class or around at school, then I suppose a text is your only option of communicating. Sure, you run risk of being ignored again if you text him and he never replies, BUT no reply will actually give you all the answer you need. By that of course I mean his lack of reply will signal that he is not interested in maintaining any type of relationship and as sad as that will make you in the short term, your heart will heal and I know you will meet a man who appreciates you and who wants to pursue you and see you all the time.
I was thinking about texting him like a month or two later, because as you said he never likes to commit and I just now realized that, Im always texting him first, he only texted me first like two or three times, but he started talking to me first and suggested that we hang out more, ehhhh he even took me to his house once, but do you think he might text me randomly one day?
AskJason : Very tough for me to answer. I can't know if he'll just randomly text you out of the blue someday. But more importantly, what if he did? He goes months without any contact and then all of a sudden he pops back into your life. Would that be a good thing? I don't think it would be. The more we chat here the more I'm thinking you already have your answer. When a man likes a woman, he pursues her. He chases he. He wants to spend time with her. He's hoping she feels the same. She's always on his mind. That unfortunately does not seem to be the case here. I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I'm just being real. My best advice would be to either forget about this guy completely, or send him that final text and if he doesn't reply within a day or two, you must accept the fact that it just isn't meant to be. I hope this answers your question and I really wish you the best of luck! Feel free to follow up with me in a week or so if you have any more questions or want to update me and chat. Just start your question with "For AskJason" and it will be assigned to me.
Thank you for the advice :) I really appreciated it!