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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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my husband live with another woman but says he loves me

Resolved Question:

My husband and I don't live together due to a reason against our will, but we maintain a good relationship. I was going to move back with him, but we had a augment with him 4 months ago. Then we didn't talk for 3 weeks. When I went to his apartment to seek for reconciliation. I met another women accidentally. I told her I'm his wife. She said they are dating. So I Left. 2 weeks later, I had dinner with my husband and went back to his place. I her underwear everywhere in his bedroom and half of his closet is her cloth. But my husband told me he loves me, he needs some time. I keep seeing my husband, hope things will get better. but the amount of that girls underwear only seem increasing. Yet my husband told me he loves me, and wont divorce. He said I didn't care about him in the past, now he needs to do things he wants. It has been 4 months. I feel hurt and stuck. What should I do?

Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.

Your husband seems to be content with disrespecting you and your relationship. You may be tolerating situations that you shouldn't in the hopes that your marriage will eventually work out. The problem is that in making that a priority he is able to have relations with other women and do this while seeing you. A marriage is built on trust and honesty. This relationship which includes other women is not based on those qualities. He is taking advantage of the situation. No man needs to see other women for any reason while working on his marriage. Those two things do not go together and he is able to do this because you have your heart in being with him.

As long as you tolerate this he has the advantage of filling his sexual needs which should be filled only with you. Otherwise he needs to be single. I would recommend that you and your husband find a marriage counseling immediately to do the real work that it will take to fix this. He is just making the situation worse and asking you to condone it. If he isn't pressured to stop what he is doing he has no reason to stop it. When you have strong boundaries he will be forced to be accountable. You have to make that happen rather than appearing to allow his behavior. Then you will also know whether he is serious or not.

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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
psychlady and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

thank you for the advice.


 


I have been showing him lots of love and affection lately to remind him about our good old time. and he seem appreciated it. apparently not enough for him to leave another woman.


 


I'm thinking about sending him a final letter to make a decision, then go no contact. dont know if this will win him back or lose him.


 


 

Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.
A letter may not help. He is going to do what he wants to do anyway. He may know your feelings but I don't think it will change his mind. You have to accept that he seems to be in this for his own gain. If it helps you however you can try to see if he at least sees how he is hurting you

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