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My wife has become more obsessed with my son - He is our only

 
Deardebra's Avatar
  • Answered by:Deardebra
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Customer Question

My wife has become more obsessed with my son - He is our only child he is 34. He is not interested in girls and seems just as obsessed with his mother. We have been married for 40 years I am feeling more and more excluded We have not had sex for many years.
I feel an outsider now and think I should leave I no longer love my wife They seem to only want me for the things I do and the money I provide
I have tried to talk to my wife but she cannot see what she is doing I am at a loss
Any advice

 



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I have tried explaining to my wife but I can't get through to her. My son his her world and she cannot see beyond that

Submitted: 235 days and 4 hours ago.
Category: Relationship
Value: £11
Status: CLOSED

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Expert:  Deardebra replied 235 days and 3 hours ago.


Deardebra : A child can become very reliant on a parent to the point where they can't go on their own because they don't know how. He needs to be taught how to be able to take care of himself because there will be a time where hecwill have to and he will not be prepared for life. You need to explain to your wife that he needs to stand on his own some times to learn. If a child is sheltered they don't know understand when certain things happen because they have been protected. They live a life that is all planned out. It sounds like they are also best friends which is fine but they need to include you in their life. If you left they wouldn't know what to do. I want you to really think before you leave if this can be resolved. You need to explain you feel excluded. You all need to talk about being intimate. Some times in relationships people want to ignore the problem instead of realizing the person is going to leave if things don't change. You need to tell her that you feel like this is not working and things have to change.
Customer :

Thank you for the above. I understand about the above and have tried to explain this but I am faced with a wall of two against one. The dreaded triangle. I have been trying to convince my wife for the last 10 years that she should not so involve herself in my sons wife. I have tried to establish a bond with my son and although we we get along he has no interest in me or my activities.

All these pointers make me wonder if it is me -My wife not being intimate with me - My son has no interest in my life.

As I say I feel an outcast and as you say it worries me that there will come a time where my son must take on proper adult responsibilities. Where would either of them be if I was hit by the proverbial bus. Thinking along those lines and because I can make no headway by trying to talk etc I am reaching the conclusion that if I left it would be a hard lesson but at least it would make my son take some responsibility even if it is to keep the home going for his mother.

As far as my relationship with my wife is concerned that seems dead so from both my side and hers I feel it might be a new begining. If I stayed I worry for myself as at the moment all I see is the remainder of my life being as a provider for them and I know resentment would build

Deardebra :

You don't seem to think their is any other solution but you leaving. That is very hard to be living in a house where you feel like you are an outcast in your own home. You have talked to your wife and there has been no changes. I want you to talk with both of them. Put aside a time when both of them can talk. You need to of course start off telling them how you feel and give them one more chance. If things do not change you need to tell them this is it for me I will be leaving. But once you leave remember if you were to come back you might risk them cutting you out of their lives for good. I want you to really think about if you want to be with your wife.

Customer :

Thank you for your advice. It is good just to air my feelings with someone. I have no one I can talk this through with and talking to you has helped me a great deal. I will try to do as you ask. If they will not make the time for me as i fear they may not then I will know where I stand. Thank you

Expert TypeAdvice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Pos. Feedback: 96.8 %
Accepts: 1458
Answered: 8/18/2012

Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.

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Expert:  Deardebra replied 222 days and 17 hours ago.

I wanted to see how you were doing and I am here if you need anymore help.

 
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