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Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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For Suzanne-Hello- In session the other day I was

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For Suzanne-

In session the other day I was trying to get an answer for why something had happened. My therapist gave me the example of a father who is very invested in his children's lives. Then he gets divorced, remarried, and has a child with his new wife, and becomes disinterested in the children from his first marriage.

She wanted me to think of the explanation for that. In session the next week I told her that I thought it was about fear-couldn't please the first person and so they get involved with someone who expects less, someone they have a chance of pleasing. I asked her what the answer was, and she said there really isn't one, in the sense that all situations are different.

I was just wondering what you would say the explanation is for that, why someone leaves a situation and never seems to look back.

Thank you.
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank you.

Hi Jill,I apologize for the wait...was away from the computer for the weekend. I have to agree with your therapist that there can be many reasons, but one specifically comes to mind. When men feel shame--due to not pleasing the other person, as you noted--they tend to have a fight or flight reaction. They will either go on the attack or completely leave the situation. The person in the scenario you mentioned seems to have the "flight" reaction. Men will do almost anything to avoid feeling shame (feeling like a failure), unlike women, who will turn themselves inside out trying to correct what they've done wrong.One of the best explanations of the male mind available is in the book "How To Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It" by Dr. Susan Love.The chapters on men should be required reading for all females. The book is based on research, not opinion, and is very much worth the time to read for anyone, married or not, who is trying to figure out why men act the way they do.I hope this helps! Suzanne
Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience: Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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