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Steven Olsen
Steven Olsen, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1764
Experience:  More than 20 years of expertise in counseling, relationship resolution and family therapy.
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ok lets see if this works. i met a girl from the usa (im from

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ok lets see if this works. i met a girl from the usa (im from UK) online 5 yrs ago. after 2 yrs of talking i went over to meet her and from then we became an item. a year later we got engaged, a year after that we applied started to apply for a via for me to go over. which brings us to 2011. We are know in 2012 and she still hasnt filled in the visa app! her excuses are that shes always busy, but comon1 i try not to get annoyed and i want to believe her, she says she sorry for being so slow at it and procrastinating but enough is enough. She still hasnt even came across to the uk and keeps dodging the subject from coming over. She has also lied to me about filling this visa and and broken promises of wen shes gonna do it. but i always just accept her excuses because i want to believe them , she tells me she loves me and misses most days but it just becoming words to me now. She does have 2 kids to and they all live with her parents. wen we first started talking to each other she asked what kinda girl i like and i replied that i just want someone kind, sensative, caring , non selfish and she said she was all those but i honestly havent seen any of it. ive been over countless times and spend thousands, im really feeling used and like some sad person thats met someone on the net and been taken advantage of. she doesnt even waer her engagement ring, far enough it doesnt fit but wouldnt most peole get it re sized str8 away? i dont know if she has been affected from her past relationships or if shes just not that into me and is just making do with me, i feel like she is not fussed if shes with me or not. I dont know what to do, i have no one to talk to because im worried im going to look stupid as everyone thinks the visa has been submitted and wen they ask if shes ever visitied and say no, they look at me like i should be worried. also of topic she has no pics of me in her face book either, she did but deleted them , saying they were old. I have done nothing wrong, she says im near pefect. i just feel i dont deserve this. Surely if she loved me she would have all these things done in a day never mind a year. I just need to hear someones opinion. help.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 2 years ago.

I am sorry this is happening to you. Let me see if I can be of help to you.

Certainly there seems to be something that is not quite right here. She says the right words, but there does not seem to be any follow through. You are engaged, yet she acts as if this is a casual datingrelationship, not as if you are someone who is going to be her husband. That isnot the behavior of a committed person. Rather, it shows that either she is nottaking this very serious commitment to heart, or she has changed her mind about what she wants.

 

I agree with you: What you described in a relationship that you wanted, a kind, sensitive and caring person is not what
you are seeing here.

Sometimes people with personality disorders have
these types of reactions; this does fit that pattern. They love the excitement in the beginning of a relationship, but self sacrifice is not in the picture when the relationship becomes more routine or when expectations are supposed to create actions. If this is the case, getting her to see this will be difficult as personality disorders lack insight.

 

No matter what:

Truth be told, and that is what someone in your
position needs...this does not sound like a promising development in a relationship.

 

What should you do?

For couples in similar situations best practice is to be honest with her about your feelings. Be very specific about your needs...and then give a hard deadline. "If you want me, you have to show
me by doing this by this time. If not, I will know you no longer want me."

 

That may sound harsh, but not knowing what she is doing and why combined with and her
acting in this on again off again way is emotionally abusive to you.

 

You are worth so much more than this, and she needs to show you clearly, and not just in words, that you are as valuable to her as you feel about her. Steven





Steven Olsen, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1764
Experience: More than 20 years of expertise in counseling, relationship resolution and family therapy.
Steven Olsen and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

WOW Steven, thanks so much for this answer, to be honest i wasnt expecting much , i was just expecting some generic answer but you have read and understood my dilema. Your answer makes sense and i knew it myself deep down but i just needed to tell and hear it from someone else.


thanks again.

Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 2 years ago.

I am glad you liked your answer. If I can help you further please let me know.

Also, would you please rate me so that I can receive credit for my work. Steven

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