I am sorry this is happening to you. Let me see if I can be of help to you.
Certainly there seems to be something that is not quite right here. She says the right words, but there does not seem to be any follow through. You are engaged, yet she acts as if this is a casual datingrelationship, not as if you are someone who is going to be her husband. That isnot the behavior of a committed person. Rather, it shows that either she is nottaking this very serious commitment to heart, or she has changed her mind about what she wants.
I agree with you: What you described in a relationship that you wanted, a kind, sensitive and caring person is not what
you are seeing here.
Sometimes people with personality disorders have
these types of reactions; this does fit that pattern. They love the excitement in the beginning of a relationship, but self sacrifice is not in the picture when the relationship becomes more routine or when expectations are supposed to create actions. If this is the case, getting her to see this will be difficult as personality disorders lack insight.
No matter what:
Truth be told, and that is what someone in your
position needs...this does not sound like a promising development in a relationship.
What should you do?
For couples in similar situations best practice is to be honest with her about your feelings. Be very specific about your needs...and then give a hard deadline. "If you want me, you have to show
me by doing this by this time. If not, I will know you no longer want me."
That may sound harsh, but not knowing what she is doing and why combined with and her
acting in this on again off again way is emotionally abusive to you.
You are worth so much more than this, and she needs to show you clearly, and not just in words, that you are as valuable to her as you feel about her. Steven