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Santo B
Santo B, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 83
Experience:  Clinical Social Work
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During my divorce process and pain I got involved with a kid

Customer Question

During my divorce process and pain I got involved with a kid about 25 years younger than me. I was not thinking clear, he dumped me immediately and now I feel the pain of going through the divorce and the pain of dealing with whatever feeling I have developed for him..... please someone tell me how to cope with this..... we are co workers
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Santo B replied 2 years ago.

Santo B :

My name is XXXXX XXXXX I hold a Clinical Master's Degree in Social Work with a focus on Adult Mental Health. I currently provide general Life Coaching.

Santo B :

Hello. I have read your question and would like to know if you had the affair before you divorced or after you divorced

Santo B :

Did the affair take place during your marriage?

Customer:

Hi santo please help me i am having a very difficult time trying to understand why this happend no i did not have an affair, i met him here he pursued me I fell for it. I hate myself it did not mean a damn thing to me. i see him every day cause we work together it is emotionally draining me please give me sonme advice

Santo B :

Ok. I would like to know how you are dealing with the divorce first.

Customer:

i meant it did not mean anything to him. it meant something to me because i cannot get over this and i c him flirting with everyone else and he dates other women and he told me that it was over.

Customer:

i am stilll hurting from my divorce it has only been a year i weas married 25 years and was not expecting my ex husband to ask me for a divorce. he hasd remarried

Santo B :

Do you work closely with this man? Meaning, do you have to work on projects with him, in the same office space, etc.

Customer:

not really, he works for another department. we have lunch together but i always pay for the food, he never offers, i never thought that i would let this happen to me and i did i feel bad. he is 30 and i am 54

Customer:

but i c him every every day his cubicle is down the aile from mine

Santo B :

What led to your ex-husband asking for a divorce. I realize these questions seem a bit all over the place, but I would like to establish a baseline and would like to gather some information before providing you with an opinion.

Santo B :

I realize that you regret the decision to have an inter-office relationship with a younger man, but you were most likely vulnerable at that point and seeking attention from someone.

Customer:

my husband told me that he fell out of love he had another woman and married her 6 months after we got divorced. he complained that the intimate department was not good...... i feel that this kid took advantage of me, yes i was vulnerable, I think i c it now I did not c it then i wanted the attention, i wanted him and now I am hurting but i feel worse because I am dealing with the pain from losing my ex and now this? any suggestions on how to cope with this.

Santo B :

I think you really need to take some time to review the recent past events. I can't imagine the affair with the young man lasting that long, so I believe that I would attribute most of your depression surrounding the divorce. I don't believe you reconciled the divorced and allowed this young guy to be a distraction.

Santo B :

You have to begin to mourn the loss of your marriage. It is ok to feel horrible about it. You were married to this man for 25 years. Thats a long time, and the level of comfort that you achieve after 25 years has simply gone away.

Customer:

Ok,. thanks do u think that I should stop hanging around with him? he feels that we can be friends and just forget about what happened.

Santo B :

I wouldn't put too much emphasis on this young man. to tell you the truth, it would probably be best to cut ties with him for a while. Its time to take time for yourself. Figure out who you are and what you want now. Divorce is a pretty life changing event, and you must reconcile it before you move on. Leave the distractions alone. Some times you have to embrace the hurt to get through it.

Santo B :

Avoid the young man

Customer:

THANK YOU SANTO! GOD BLESS YOU FOR YOUR HONESTY I THINK I KNEW THIS I JUST DID NOT WANT TO MAKE THIS DECISION. HAVE A WONDEFUL WEEKEND.

Santo B :

Please feel free to come back to this post and ask any questions you may have. I will check in on you in a few days.

Santo B, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 83
Experience: Clinical Social Work
Santo B and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Excellent service. Thank you for your help. Now I have to work on making this decision and moving on with my life.

Expert:  Santo B replied 2 years ago.
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Expert:  Santo B replied 2 years ago.
I am just checking in with you to see if any of the suggestions we spoke about worked. Please don't hesitate to contact me with any questions or concerns you may have.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Good morning Santo. I have deleted his number from my phone that way I won't be tempted to text him. I took time to think what has transpired. He knew I was very very vulnerable because I had mentioned to him that I was going through a divorce. He paid a lot of attention to me, which of course I enjoyed. I got hurt, I cannot deny that but I can truly say that he was the reason why I dye my hair, I changed my wardrobe, I feel like a woman again. A woman in pain but a woman again. I hurt when I c him because he says hello and allo that stuff but has no idea how much I am hurting. Anyway, I know it's going to take time. I have to admit that it was something unexpeted? I was married for so long that maybe I did not realize I was even capable fo doing something like that? I don;'t know but my heart will heal. I am a very emotional person and considering my state of mind and emotional state, I let myself go.



Thank you for your help.


 

Expert:  Santo B replied 2 years ago.
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Santo B
Santo B
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Clinical Social Work