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Ask Rafael M.T.Therapist Your Own Question

Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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can physical attraction develop if not there from the beginning?

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can physical attraction develop if not there from the beginning?
met a girl in another state. talk on the phone daily for 3 years. we became more intimate then ever ON THE PHONE. She's the most amazing person I know. We've met about 6 times through out our friendship. trips are up to 5 days. at the end of every trip i found myself retracting from lack of physical attraction. to avoid killing her if addressed later...i ended it 7 weeks ago. i miss her terribly and wonder if the physical attraction could have developed if our interactions were consistently face to face rather than phone. In the alternative...maybe physical attraction may be one of those things that is either there or not there from the beginning. Advise?
-Joe

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this challenging experience.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Technically it is currently believed that the physiological basis for sexual attraction partners could experience, would not last for longer than a couple of years, then that if it is about physical attraction, all couples-marriages would feel frustrated and tempted by other more sexually appealing potential partners than by the one they already have.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

What we now from experience is that what keeps couples together and fulfilled, emotionally an sexually too regardless of time and physical limitations, is the level of real affection, intimacy and passion they do create in their relationship as whole human beings. This is why people could experience strong sexual fulfillment even after decades of marriage. This is why other people could get totally uninterested after a couple of weeks or months if they lack the core ingredients of a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

In your case, it is a very frustrating situation since you appear to have everything, and regardless of sharing and feeling fulfilled at all those levels, you feel this lack of connection and compatibility at that core level. Most times when that's the case, people find themselves unable to develop sexual fulfillment.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am not saying that it is impossible but that most times it is very hard and not common to create and develop this connection when the person does not feel any physical-sexual attraction.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Customer:

iif the intimacy was established face to face rather than phone, wouldn't the person become more attractive

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Not necessarily.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It could happen that distance could create or promote exactly the oppossitte effect, where couples feel powerfully passioante once they get the chance to share with each other at that level whenever they get the chance.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Each person is unique as well as their experiences, and when it is about couples, both people create a unique connection too, making some individuals feel and react in some ways with some partners, and in very different ways with others under the same circumstances.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Being truthful with yourself and honest towards the other person is necessary in order to take good care of yourself and your relationship, whether it happens to continue as a romantic one or not.

Customer:

the break up was devastating.

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