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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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how can you be strong, although it hurts when your ex ended

Customer Question

how can you be strong, although it hurts when your ex ended the relationship.He says still wants to keep in contact with you because he says he cares, and still has feelings wants to know you are ok, he knows its not easy
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 3 years ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this painful and frustrating situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It is never easy but painful to end a relationship, even more if it was not something couples truly work on with respect, sensitivity and maturity.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It is obvious this has been very challenging, even overwhelming for you, but he has not been consistent with making it easier. he choose to end it, and now is not showing respect nor caring when not keeping his word. You truly need to face reality, even with all the pain it implies, since there is no other way you could take good care of yourself.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

The first relationship we all have is towards ourselves. This should be the first priority, to take good care of ourselves, from self-respect and love, to protecting from any form of neglect or abuse, since if we do not do take good care of ourselves, we will expose to be used, abused and neglected by other people, allowing, enabling them, and that's something you do not need nor deserve at all.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

JACUSTOMER-g4po10u2- : After the three days of waiting.. I can to my senses as told him late at night afte he text me how my day was?
JACUSTOMER-g4po10u2- : After three days of thinking to self - I came to a decision, that I explain to him the same. Way he left I prefer i
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am here to support you think you did fine telling him about your feelings. Hope you consider previous recommendations to take good care of yourself,

JACUSTOMER-g4po10u2- : He just responded his not oky feeling should not me ended or cut this way, that not how he does thiga it's not easy for him he says if this is better for you than he has I respect or when ever I'm ready to talk or call him again then hell wai on my call I said its not a joke I will not call I prefer you don't either he say he will wait till I call and that was the end of it - and yes you ate right to love or take care of our self , there's so much more that I sacrifice or gave to be I this relationship I feel that it was my choice but also based on how he was or his feeling towards me - I'm little confused about the type of love he claims he has for me e says he cares - ties.not to use the love word etc. or says it to me which allows Nero unders he wants nothing to do with me in a serious manner - but still wants contact etc.. I'm a mess typing all of this is run on senteces:-/
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I do truly recommend you to set distance form this person as long as he does not truly work on concrete changes, and for that to happen it would take time and real effort. You need and deserve to feel fine, so please focus on not exposing yourself to what is unhealthy, and if necessary get professional counseling support to effectively cope and heal from it.

JACUSTOMER-g4po10u2- :

its been three days since this friday.. it seems his respecting my wishes, my whole life I have finally open my delve to love un conditional, and it feels like my heart is shattered, I know its going to take some time to heal it does not seems like is healing. when i don't think of I'm okay i keep self busy with work or planning my goals moving forward.

JACUSTOMER-g4po10u2- :

I feel I'm in cross road, i relocated 2 1/2 years to a different state and made some serious changes in my life, and now that his no longer here physical for any way. its seems like I'm lost at times.. hoe can you move on when you still have a love that seems unconditional. still knowing you love yourself.. I'm in a situation that i can really explain all details, I feel stupid or as foolish to know his treated me this way .. although when we were together it was great, he says that in the last few months things were getting bad etc. but never took the time to share with me till we went over seas for the second time. before we left i was suppose to move with .. then he became distance when we return he was home.. and we barely talked.. for a month.. wish i can say more i really dont think it will make a difference i really wish he would see life with me.. rather than say he has nothing to compare what he has.. and its all he can give.. but has this big love for me.. Im torn to shut the door completely it seems very hard, as the time i feel no more hurt.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry, this is overwhelming for sure, and only you now how it feels.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

But you are right, you need to work on taking better care of yourself. To attaching to an unhealthy love doe never help but destroy lives.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Without real honesty, respect and caring nothing worthy could be expected from people, even less if it is about a life partner. Now it is time for you to rebuild your life based on what you truly need and want with those who deserve you. It is tough to come to terms with the fact that the person you trusted and love has not been real and that it is not mutual, that words have been said but actions tell such a different story.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Better not to waste time with something that could only take more energy you need to take good care of yourself. You need to be proactive and focus on yourself and well-being. It will take to heal but it is necessary and worthy. Please do get all support you can from healthy people who truly care about you and from professional counseling.

JACUSTOMER-g4po10u2- : It's funny you say he is nOt honest or real I've mentioned those words till this day he denies, and says that if you don't know how I truly love u I don't know what to say - I'm not ready to get professional help -I thought I was I feel very depressed sad abandoned perhaps lied to - by the way we are Married we did not have a formal wedding thats still a tie to us ..all Of this makes me sick and worry to my stomach I get all this thoughts of how it use to be how he was -then I seen how it ended and I want to move forward it seems I take a step forward and two back -I want o believe he loves me like he says he does, what kind of love is it ?
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It is codependent love, so unhealthy, dysfunctional, it doesn't truly offers real respect, honest, caring nor real but fake fulfillment at its best. Attaching to codependent love just undermines the person's well-being and things get more complicated.

I hope you reconsider getting necessary professional support, since it seems very necessary here.

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