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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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I was in a relationship for three months, one month with the

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I was in a relationship for three months, one month with the girl, two months over text. I have known her for over three years. She broke up with me, rightfully, because I was not mentally stable. I was on pain medication which made me depressed, sensitive, and moody. I came off as needy at the time, and she said she couldn't handle it. I told her I understood, and I still cared about her and I didn't want to lose her friendship. We haven't talked in a month. I know I royally screwed things up, but what's the best way I can prove I'm still the guy she fell for, I'm sorry, and I still want her without coming off as needy, desperate, or crazy. I've been through a lot this summer, I had back surgery, I haven't had anywhere to go anything to do. She's busy with work, and having fun. How do I approach her? Do I?
You need to prove to her that you have changed. She has told you she could no longer take it, so you need to show her that you are a changed person. I want you to tell her how you feel in a e-mail through a text, letter, explaining that you have been through a lot. Now you feel that it is important to have her in your life. That You now understand the things you have done that you feel she was overwhelmed by and that you would love to have a sec on chance to show her that you have changed. It is hard for her to just know you have changed by what you are saying so you need to tell her that you will show her that you have changed, but she needs to give you a chance. Tell her things will be different now. I don't think you contacting her you will feel needy, you just want her in your life, she will understand that what you have gone through, I'm sure she really wanted things to work out, but with your mood swings, she was trying to understand you , get to know you, but you were struggling. Now you can fully focus on yours and hers relationship. Ask for a second chance.
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thank you for your feedback, I will definitely think about what you have said. I failed to mention that I wrote her a letter the day after she broke up with me apologizing for my behavior, and that I called her the day after to "properly" apologize, person to person. She's very busy, she has a job miles away doing something she loves, and is having fun. I just think she wants her space right now, otherwise, she wouldn't have stopped texting me a month ago. I want her to be happy, and I don't think I should try to convince her "I'm okay now, I want a second chance." But maybe I should text her sometime before we return to college. Just to say "I hope you're doing okay, I'm still your friend here." We're in our senior year, about to head out into the world, get jobs, etc. She has a lot on her mind, I don't want to be desperate and annoying. My apology letter was definitely desperate, not a plea to take me back, but more of a self-put-down, "please forgive me for being a jerk." I mean, a lot of what I was upsetting her with was my own insecurities, and fears. After talking to you though, I think I might text her. That might be better than jumping back into her life the first day I'm back. I want to take things easy, I want her to feel comfortable with me, even just as a friend. I wish I had been more detailed in my question, but alas, luck is not always on my side. I hope it will be when I contact her. She's a very kind person; hard-working, honest. Any guy would be lucky to have her. I wish I had focused on that when we were together and I was in pain, on meds. How lucky I was to have someone like her in my life. I probably sound like a fool, but I guess you really don't know what you have until you lose it. I don't her in my life to make it whole, but she certainly made life a lot sweeter. I don't think she ever knew that, I never told her that. and that's why I lost her. Thanks for all your help.
You said that you never told her how important she was in your life and you feel that was one of the problems. In life people go through so many things and they don't realize the one standing right next too them supporting them through the difficult times. She is doing something she loves and living her life, but that doesn't mean she doesn't want to share her life with someone she could love that is their supporting her. It is nice to have someone in your life like you who would be happy for everything she accomplishes. I feel contacting her in a text and begin by starting as friends and sharing each others lives, things could develop in a positive way. She will get use to you contacting her and she will begin to share her day. Then you can show her you have changed, that you are a new person that will enjoy the time you have to spend with her. You mentioned your insecurities, I want you to work on understanding that you are an outstanding person with so many things to offer, you need to be confident that she also needs you in her life. Even if it is just to share her day, to know their is someone out there that loves and cares about her.

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