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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Customer Question

I recently had a break up with one a best friend of mine known over a year.her name is XXXXX XXXXX Craig.We have been labeled by a few as a love-hate relationship.When we have the great times as Tony the Tiger would say.theyre Grrrrrrreat! Then when we have our spats they turn into a real abusive verbal issue where we are yelling screaming at each other.Sometimes she has been known to push my buttons as she usually provokes it.We have traveled together were we had wonderful times then quite turbullant on the same trip.I 've talked with a psychiatrist to figure why I would go off on her like I do at times.The last episode we were coming back from a trip over the weekend.Then something irritated me then she is relentless by screaming yelling at me then I scream at the top of my lungs "shut up" I F----n' cant stand you!!!Then I unintentional put a bruise on her shoulder as I gave a firm swat on her shoulder telling her to relax.It was Over something so small.I finally figured out that there was a gal she reminded me of in Junior High that I couldn't stand that was provoking me to anger.I'm taking prolixin (fluphenzanine) right now yet still seeing psychiatrist.She said she feel in love with me more then anyone as I m ecentric 45 years old whereas shes 53 an administration manager career type of women. She called it off one night as she was angry that I was hanging out by the apartments where she lives (50 miles away) she wasn'thome yet her vehicle was out front she was with some gal in a no cell area .well her name wasn't on the lease when she moved in with a long time friend so she was evicted by the manager in 30 days She was furious about that .She told me that I bring out the worst in you,I cant see you or talk with you anymore it scares me when you have angry outrages that seem uncontrolable.She hasn't spoken to me all but twice in the last 4 1/2 months I text once in a while no answer,haven't called her in two months vice versa it's been no contact.She's a really good gal that I feel that things can overcome with effort.I really like her a lot the positives Outweigh the negatives with us.She has a few things of mine which she always does that as a reassurance that I ll come back.I'm wondering how to procure this I go about my everyday life not chasing her not begging her to come back.Something tells me were going to get back.She saw me a couple of times in March after we had that bad fight.Not trying to get my things back only if she wants total closure.I 'm trying to respect her wishes yet it's like my thoughts don't count since I'm the bad guy when we should share the blame yet the finger is pointed at me all the time when it honestly shouldn't.How should I procure my steps toward getting back to her in a situation like this.I think I know where she lives now yet haven't been in her neck of the woods since March.I've done some really nice things for her,ie. taking her to Bermuda,Carmel,Miami Beach out of my kind heart of picking up the tab for the expenses.It's like it seems there will be no forgiveness that she is determined to keep us far away for good then again I feel that there is a chance.I haven't been really dating lately just hanging out with a few people doing projects.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 4 years ago.

What you describe really does seem like a love hate relationship. Sometimes when this is true people get almost addicted to the intensity of the relationship the way it is and see a stable long term relationship without this turmoil as almost boring. If her psychiatric diagnosis contains some sort of mood disturbance this can also influence the intensity of the relationship. You can only make changes particular to you because of course you cannot change someone else. This means that you can only reach out in the hopes that she doesn't want closure. Your efforts regardless of the mode that you use to communicate are only going to be as successful as she allows them to be. You have to consider that she has to be receptive to your efforts. If she is then any effort to reach out will be successful whether that is calling, texting, emailing or any other form of communication.

If she truly is determined to keep you away then that sends a powerful message. Sometimes people get very close before they realize they are incompatible. The tension may just be petty differences or it could be total incompatibility. Anyone can be receptive even after tension but if she is an unforgiving person that will make your efforts more ineffective. Being kind doesn't create a relationship in and of itself.

I would make an effort and then accept the situation that follows. You can't make this work by yourself but to have closure you should make whatever efforts you find most comfortable.

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