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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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I have been seeing a man who has been legally separated for

Resolved Question:

I have been seeing a man who has been legally separated for 2 years. He seems to have no plans of divorce in the near future. His wife tells him they can't for tax reasons. He makes $13 an hour and she makes a lot of money and just inherited thousands. He sees her at least 2 times a week and won't answer my calls when he is at her house. She delivers food to him weekly, picks up his prescriptions, buys him groceries, they text and talk on the phone daily, and they still buy each other birthday and Christmas gifts. They have 2 grown kids and he has never introduced them to me, even though he has been in my kids life. He gets very angry when I ask him about it. I also caught him last year spending a weekend with another woman. The one thing is that he spends most of his time with me and he has been there for me every single time I have needed him. He tells me he would never have a physical relationship with her and that they are just very good friends. you tam I being naive or like he says crazy.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about your situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is obviously a very challenging and concerning situation. You are describing an adult person who has separated from wife -according to what he has told you- but after two years he remains having daily communication, emotional intimacy, sharing, and more, but he denies any form of sexual involvement. In reality most times scenarios like this, where spouses do not live together but do everything you say he does with her, do also keep an active sexual life, that's why your situation what got my attention.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

The you said he uses the tax thing as the reason for them not to divorce. Again, this reason is not common at all as a valid one in real life, but most times a justification.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

He doe not have little children to justify staying married, but he has no way to justify not having introduce m them to you. One more red flag! Never answers your calls when he is with her... and he gets very angry if you mention the topic. I am sorry but these concrete issues are not only red flags but concrete issues showing you this person has not been honest with you at all.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

The you report you caught him spending a weekend with another woman. This is very serious. I am afriad you have been too passive enabling all this abusive and unacceptable situations. It is obvious to be he is not honest neither even respectful towards you. No doubt fidelity is not a reality there considering the scenario you depict here.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry but believe this is a very unhealthy and painful situation , but you need to face the whole reality if you want to start taking good care of yourself and life, unless, you truly think and feel it is worthy for you to keep a relationship like this, with all these issues-limitations because of the pros you experience with him. Only if you truly believe that and were willing to afford the present and future consequences from such approach, you could keep gong, sure you can. But if your core needs and expectations in life are much better than that, then please look for professional counseling support in order to move away from such an unhealthy relationship.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Customer: thank you so much! Deep down I knew this, I just needed someone to tell me. Im going to find a therapist first thing Monday. I need to get out of this toxic relationship.
Customer: Thanks
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome. I totally support you. Please take gentle care and consistent action.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

(Please do not forget to rate support in order to close session).

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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