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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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found out that my husband cheated looking at porn for one year

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found out that my husband cheated looking at porn for one year and that brouhgt up old pains and a huge distrust as well the feeling of being worthless and not god enough! i'm sad al the time and cann't get over the old pain nor the porn chaeting.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 2 years ago.
Hello. This is a very very common issue. You are not alone. A large percentage of men, married, single, young, old, any Nation on the planet is attracted to porn. There are some things that you have to try and realize, and I know it is difficult because as women, we take these things very personally. We grow up having to pay close attention to our looks and we don't have the animal instinct to mate with as many people as possible the way men do. You have to understand that his looking at porn is not personal. It has nothing to do with you. It wouldn't matter if you were the most beautiful woman in the world, he would have done it. It's not you.
He does not look at it as cheating and he will never understand how much it hurts you. Those women are not "real" to him, it is all fantasy.
At this point, you have to ask yourself some questions and decide how you want to move on with your life. If it wasn't for the porn issue, how do you feel about your husband? Is he good to you? Are you happy with him overall? Knowing that all men look at porn, is there another man out there that you think is better than he is? If the answer here is that you love him and would never want to lose him, then the next step is how do you get over this. Time will help for sure.
Trying to feel better about yourself overall will help as well. Do whatever it takes to do this. Every person is an individual, so find out what it would take and do it.
Lastly, and this answer is all dependent on your personal feeling about porn itself, regardless of your husbands involvement. Have you thought about incorporating it into YOUR relationship with him and watching it together to enhance your sex life? If you are completely against this of course, don't force this, it is just a suggestion to think about in case you are open to it. He may like the fact that you want to come into that world, or he may want to keep it separate if he is embarrassed by it. You have to make that decision.
Is there anything in your sex life that is lacking and you may want to try and re spark it by trying something new?
Know that you are certainly not alone. There are many many women who are happily married to men for years and years before they find out that they have been looking at porn all along behind their back.
You may be able to find an online community for women who deal with this sort of things from their husbands/boyfriends which may help you vent to others who have had similar situations happen in their life.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1381
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Dear dr. Paige,

Thank you for this anwer. You did not say nothing about the old pain that came up and the fact that all his lying about the porn and old issue has me so down because of distrust. (that whole year porn while i was in the next room lets me feel as if i'm sleeping with the enemie. He lied then and now lies again i feel so naieve! so backstabbed.

For instance he said he thought i would get mad and i don't understand how you can love someone and be so eager to check out other mating woman with the thougt in you that you're doning something to get the lovedone mad. The old issue was an girlfriend he had before our marriage that he lied about the intimacy of that relationship. i know a little now by asking afther the porn and because of the time he says he doesn't remember much, he thinks it was for 3 weeks. We where living in diferent countries then and had a relationship from a distance. he keeps saying it was "just" an affaire but i feel we becan our marriage on a lie!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige
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Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist