How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dear Debra Your Own Question

Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1838
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
57081136
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dear Debra is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I had been dating a girl for just about three years. We were

Customer Question

I had been dating a girl for just about three years. We were totally opposites. In highschool i was a football player, and she was a smart student but not to many friends. She disliked that i went out to parties, and in the end i realized that was not who i was. When college came she went away to school only an hour away it wasnt to bad, but it hurt not seeing her everyday but i never let it affect us or let her see i was hurt. She left after one semester because being home sick. Now she was home everyday and commuting to school. We were each others best friends. I was working on my career as a firefighter, and she was working on hers as a special ed teacher. To be a firefighter i had to live in the city of the town i was applying to so i had to pick up a heavy work load between classes and work. I work average 75 hours a week. This took a toll on her because like i said she didnt have that many friends. She has endodemtrosis and the pain is unbareable for her so she went to another specialist who recommended a surgery witch insurance wouldnt cover. So she went for plan b witch was a injection shot that put her into menapause at age 20 for a few months. Right away i saw a change. 2 months went by and she started hangingout with new people and making new friends. I thought this was great she is making new friends. Well plan back fired. She started partying , and lieing to me. I never once confronted her she came to me and said i went to a party. I asked if anything happened she told me no. All was fine. The next week we went on a nice day trip to the state aquarium. The next day she was going to her cousins wedding. That next day before she went to the air port i asked her if i could come see her, or she could stop by work to say good bye because i will miss her. She right away said she was to busy. That next three days we barely talked. She claimed she was busy and what not. When she came home on the sunday we were supposed to hangout. She ditched me to talk to her friend. My car broke down i called her for a ride she made me walk for 4 hours before she came and got me. Then she dropped me off at home and i asked her to text me when she got home to tell me she was ok. She texted me "i got home safely" i replied "alright i love you babe goodnight" she then texted back we need a break. Of course three years of dating nad to give me that respect a text not a call a talk or anything no reasons. So a day went on she was spending more time with these kids and me being an idiot just wanted to talk work things out. Not knowing she had already made up her mind. A week goes by of no talking i come to find she is seeing another guy a week after we broke up. I got off work late about 9 days after and got a phone call from her os i answered it was a guy telling me he was going to kick my A** meet me here. Me being stupid went 8 kids were there, but no fight occured as i left i got a picture sent to my phone from a random number of her and a kid hooking up. Now its about 2 months after i have been so hurt i still love her and would do anything for her i just dont understand. How one who loves you one day so much and the next just dumps you to a curb no ryhme or reason. Her biggest thing is alwayt being together and at times being a fireman/student i had little of. I regret not spending all my time with her, but she left me for a kid who is going to bootcamp in a few weeks. I just dont understand this whole thing. How now all she is doing is partying and trying to be someone she is not. Or how she hasnt contacted me since the break up to even see how i was doing
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
She sounds like she went through a lot with the condition she had and some times when you become sick or have any health problems it changes you. She now is better and as a person she has now changed. You mention before she did not have many friends well now she has many friends. This is a new experience for her, it is like her life just started. Often times people who had a certain life and get a taste of a new life they change. People grow not everyone stays the same. Often times events change people. Where she had health problems she was not able to experience life without being in pain. Once all those problems went away she felt free to live her life. She knew how much she suffered and she now knows she needs to live life to the fullest. But what I see is someone that went through a lot, you both were together a very long time, you created a bond, some times people back away from the people they love the most because they do not want to get hurt, so they block out things acting like they do not care. Which is not true they care more than you know. She right now has an attitude like she is going to go on with her life without thinking about what she has gone through. Everything with you is memories of her old life she had, she just wanted to forget all her pain and move forward. I feel that deep down she does love you and you need to find that person again that loved you. I want you to contact her and ask her why things changed and that you will always love her. Explain that you are willing to work things out.
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1838
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Dear Debra and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
She is now dating the other guy. She will not respond from what she said hen it went down she wanted to be single, her feelings changed for me to this guy, and she needed time an space to think. She said it would take time for her to be friends again
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I am going to write a letter. After we broke up I wrote her a letter for four days and sent flowers. The reason she won't talk to me i feel is because she jumped into a relationship with this kid. I guess time will heal all wounds and when she is ready she will respond. It's just she's all I think about and in my Line of work I see a lot of things and need to have a clear head. It really helped talking to you. I just don't get how so fast she could be in a relationship and erase everything we had in a matter of a week.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I wrote my letter going to mail it today. Saw her brother last night he was informing me how her parents aren't happy with this new kid and his sister has said she plans to reevaluate things sOon. I saw her once last week but she pretended not to even know me. I saw her also about an hour ago while I was having lunch with friends. Her little sister pointed me out and I could discretely see her looking at me but never said hi or anything I figured if I said hi it may have made her feel awkward or cause a problem with the new bf IF he found out
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
So this weekend I went to a concert her brother called me they were at the same concert. I met up with then at the tail gate and we talked. I could tell she missed me. Her new boyfriend was texting her brother keep me away from her. Blah blah. We went into the concert and she texted me and asked if my friend and I would go sit with them. So we went And had a good time. The reason she said she can't answer me cuz this new kid gets very angry. She kept trying to talk about him in front of me. Then she would ask if I was angry. I'm giving it time and seeing how it goes. I ordered her birthday present before she broke up with me I got her a nice ring zac brown band tickets and her favorite movie the notebook. I have the. All put away but do I tell her I have those tickets.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
So my ex and me have started to talk again. She tells me how in love she is with her new bf. one word replies and won't talk to me when out with her new friends. The other morning she texted me asking for a ride she was stranded at one of his friends house. Not so good neighborhood. Of course I picked her up had a friendly conversation on way home. Next day she went out her phone got stollen same area. Her parents started texting me asking who these people are etc. her mom thanked me for watching out for her and careing for her. She lied to then where she was at. I just don know why to do if I should just move on and still care for her. Her new bf left for basic training.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
What should I do or say. I try not to bring up us if we hang out , she just says people change and feelings change.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Counselor
Dear Debra
Dear Debra
Advice Columnist
1810 Satisfied Customers
I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.