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Ask TherapistMaryAnn Your Own Question
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5804
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Im not sure if my relationship is worth saving can sombody

Customer Question

im not sure if my relationship is worth saving can sombody help me
im 20 and weve been together for 9 months but i feel as though were done for but i love her and i wanna do anything i can do to save it but at the same time im not sure if its worth it
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 4 years ago.

Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

Can you tell me a bit more about what is going on in your relationship that makes you feel uncertain about it?


Customer: replied 4 years ago.
well for starters my birthday passed a couple days ago and we were supposed to go out and do stuff but she spent all her money on shopping for herself and didnt so much as get me a birthday card. alot of the times we argue when trying to discuss problems or situations. when we are supposed to hang out and she is supposed to come with me some where she never leaves in time to mmake it or she comes hours late. i feel as though she wants to start fights just to argue and if i dont respond to it shell try again and then what happends is we dont talk for a couple days and its irratating, the other day we were texting just abuot whatever and then all of a sudden a shes throws a bunch of "reasons" why she cant talk.
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 4 years ago.
It sounds like she has some issues with being close with someone else or maybe even anger issues. Someone who purposely does not acknowledge your birthday even though they are aware of it and have the means to at least buy a card is either so focused on themselves that they don't notice how they are hurting you, or they are hurting you on purpose. Either way, it is not good to be in a relationship where you are always feeling on edge or feeling hurt.

Your girlfriend is not just forgetful or busy with something else. If she did have a good excuse, that would be understandable. But from what you are saying, she does not seem to put you first no matter what. Being late, deciding to not talk to you and starting arguments are all signs of someone who is not ready to be in a relationship.

If you feel you still want to stay with her, you may want to suggest counseling to help you both get to the root of why she acts this way and how you both can address it. There is something going on with her to cause this many issues. And it does not appear that she is aware that it is hurting you. If she is, then you may want to leave the relationship now. Anyone who can purposely hurt someone they say they love is only going to hurt you more.

I hope this has helped you,
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 4 years ago.

You may also want to explore your options more before you decide what to do. Here is a resource that may help:

Should I Stay or Should I Go?: A Guide to Knowing if Your Relationship Can--and
Should--be Saved
by Lundy Bancroft and JAC Patrissi

If you're satisfied with my response, please rate me highly. If you're not yet satisfied, please reply to me. Thanks!


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