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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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Hi, in a nut shell i am 7months pregnant i also have a toddler,

Customer Question

Hi, in a nut shell i am 7months pregnant i also have a toddler, recently my partner has had issues with my past, knowing he would struggle with the truth i kept a few things from him, somehow he found out from someone today, He has now ended the relationship, i am totally devastated, how can i get him to trust me

Thank You
Jenna
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 3 years ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this overwhelming situation. It could not have happened at a worst time now that you are 7 months pregnant.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

As you said, you hid these events from your past since fearful he would not be able to handle them, so you were trying to avoid pain and a crisis in your relationship. Unhappily when we to hide things, sooner or later issues like this would arise undermining everything and creating bigger issues. never easy to be in your shoes.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You have already done what is necessary, namely, taken responsibility for hiding it and apologizing. If what you have hidden was about a time in your life before your relationship, then no matter what was done nothing could have changed it, and the issue would exclusively be about honesty and trust,a dn there is where you would need to work.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Unhappily he has ended the relationship, and that is very serious since it is about your present and his willing decisions to define what he wants for himself, you and your children. Now the only thing you can do is to focus on taking good care of yourself, child and pregnancy, keeping as much communication as he allows, but limit it to remind him about your affection, commitment to your relationship and family. Everything else depends on him.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please get all support you can from caring and healthy family and close friends, which is absolutely necessary and consider individual psychotherapy or counseling in order to better cope, heal and take care of yourself , child and pregnancy. As frustrated as it is, he is the only one with the power and responsibility to choose what he wants and does about your relationship and family right now. he needs to work on that.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello. i see you got online and have not replied by just rated "bad service". Could you please provide feedback about your rating and reply fr me to better understand you and your situation, as well as your expectations?

JACUSTOMER-8kavyy71- :

I am sorry but i needed stronger advice to follow! there is a family here, and i apologise for sounding angry but obviously i needed advice on keeping this family together not move on!! so desapointed and now skint,

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I did never meant to suggest you to move on and forget about your relationship and family. I did mean exactly the opposite, while trying to focus on making it clear how necessary it is for you to focus on what you can control to take good care of your child, pregnancy and self, otherwise besides of the unavoidable stressors coming form your partners choices and actions, you would be adding further pain and consequences undermining your own and children well-being, and i do not believe you want that at all. that's why I emphasize the importance of being this assertive.

JACUSTOMER-8kavyy71- :

I know but how on earth do i manage this when i am completely devastated

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

For me to be professional implies being very honest and ethical, even when that is painful for a client, since necessary for better coping and taking good care of everything depending on them. I do never recommend people to push partners since most times that only create further neglect and even emotional and verbal abuse from them in subtle or obvious ways. so I do never recommend that, which does not mean I do not support working in healthy ways on promoting healing and growing from crisis like this one.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You have two main options; a dysfunctional approach or a healthy-assertive and proactive one. The dysfunctional approach would focus on pushing yourself or the other person, focusing on fears and things you cannot control at all, while neglecting yourself and those you love, who deserve and need all of yr attention and caring. The assertive approach means you take your power to create and promote everything possible for your personal and family well-being, without wasting any energy on what is impossible for you to control, but using your concrete present means to take good care with care of yourselves adequate help from your "support system", namely, family and close friends, and finally from counseling.

JACUSTOMER-8kavyy71- :

would have rated higher on second galnce but therapist stepped out of chat, so thank you for very little

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Sorry, i have been here all this time waiting for your reply.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Truly hope you get the support you need and deserve.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Since you do not reply anymore now I will leave the chat after having been here 45 minutes -second time as the records show after my initial response. Hope you well.

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