Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am sorry to know your relationship ended the way it did mainly because of stressing circumstances.
It s true many times such approach makes it easier to detach and move on, but inside we keep the emptiness and conflict, also the grief for not having had a healthy ending.
It is very sad once you had a good relationship that should have had continued at least as a healthy friendship once you left.
But we all learn from experience. You have know her from the time you were dating. My recommendation is for you to use the knowledge and understanding you already have about her personality, expectation, longings and anything more you learn about her when together.
Each person reacts in different ways to same challenges, this is why nobody could know better than you about her feelings and reactions.
You have an extra help here, your friend, who you know dos not truly feel in love with her. I imagine you know it from him, right?
He isn't looking for a relationship at all, and he also knows of my relationship with her and how that worked out overall
They're spending more time together as friends, despite her showing no interest in him at all while I was in town, which I'm not concerned about, since he is extremely sociable
Then you got a really good thing here. Have you talked about your feelings and expectations?
I see. Then I believe it is totally worthy for you to do your best to get to reconnect with her, as long as you still feel the affection you developed before.
The initial plan was about you leaving and that being the core issue overwhelming you leading to the breakup but using the justification she created, right?
I feel that my leaving would have been more of a painful experience that she was looking to avoid, even if it meant causing a smaller amount of pain earlier on
Absolutely, then it makes perfect sense, and the fact that you were lucky enough for neither of you have found another person to better fulfill your longings makes of it a second chance for your relationship.
The scenario looks very good. Now everything should be about being very assertive, not initiating neither engaging in any form of dysfunctional behavior like you did a year ago when not knowing how to handle the pain from separation.
Okay, but what action should I take? Ignore her so she has to give me the attention?
No, I would never recommend you to ignore her, that would be unhealthy and perpetuate past destructive avoidant approach.
My suggestion is for you to truly learn and grow from past mistake and be assertive this time in order to promote something healthy and fulfilling and not something weak that would vanish with any other new challenge you would face.
I'm sorry, but this is the exact same thing I've already been told. Man-up and be assertive. Thank you for your time, however, I'd like my money back
Honestly, I was hoping there would be some other way that involved not getting back into that relationship, but forming a new one. What you have said to me is what everyone else I have asked said also. Just repair the current one. I'm sorry, but it seems I have wasted your time, and you mine
If you do not want this person back in your life, then obviously you do not even need to waste your time thinking about it.
I though you were asking for support on how to rebuild communication and relationship with the person you loved and cared about.
I have not received any amount from you. I have been honest and professional providing support you request. I am sorry that you disregard what is assertive. Sorry but I could only be professional here, I do not tell people what they want to hear in order to get them happy since that does never help, an dis a very distorted and codependent approach.