How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask DrFee Your Own Question

DrFee
DrFee, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 437
Experience:  20+ years of counseling experience, Wife & Mother
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
DrFee is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I divorced my husband who controlled me over 18 years. We got

Resolved Question:

I divorced my husband who controlled me over 18 years. We got married when I was 19 and now I am 44. I had 4 girls by my husband they are all grown up. I went to college and became a teacher. He did not really want me to go to college or work. I participated in all my girls extra activities. You name it , I was there. I wanted to be a nurse but i taught my husband and 2 of my daughters how to read. So, he told me to become a school teacher so i did. I had a car accisdent in 1995 which left one of my daughters paralyzed. We won a lawsuit set up for her. My husband was like the first overseerer of the trust. He started spending money on other women, going on trips, mistreating me and the girls. We had bought a beautiful home and 2 cars with some of that money. He bouhgt him a boat, motorcycle and jewelry. I tried to talk to him but he acted as if he hated me. When the older girls moved out he humiliated me. I begged him to stop Later I filed bankrupt and left him. I told the bank how he was spending the money and they took it and started letting my daughter get it. I finally met someone new but he is married and wants a divorce. His wife will not divorce him. They had been separated for 15 yrs. But she is getting alimony for a legal separation. We are having financial problems. Then he has a daughter who he is paying child support for. She is 15 and her mom wants more money because she dont want him to be with me. He gives her 450 a month but she wants more. My four girls are mad with me because their dad is manipulating them about me. sometimes they are for me and other times they are against me. My daughter who is paralyzed went as far as having me move back in with her to help her. When i did, she told me to move out within 2 months because she wanted her boyfriend back. She only asked me to come back because she thought thatthey would take her baby away from her. When I made everything alright, she put me out. I was stable for 3 yrs after leaving their father. My other girls thought that it was funny along with my ex. I dont think my baby girl did. She is with me. Me and my boyfriend are strong believers in the lord and are trying to do the right thing. Why is everything going so bad for us?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  DrFee replied 1 year ago.
Hello! Please remember that my responses are informational only, we are not establishing a therapeutic relationship.

I'd like to help you, but can you first answer this question:

What exactly does your pastor mean by "you don't need anybody" in your life right now?

Thanks ---
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
well, I am a minister in training, so is my boyfriend. We both want to get married but we are in a financial bind. He is a trucker. He was living in his truck and I had an apartment until I moved with my daughter to help her, thinkin That I would also save money. We tried living apart because of our titles and then we did not want to offend anyone buy we were homeless. I then moved back into a nice apartment. He is now helping me with my finances but now his daughters mom is mad because she wants even more money. I asked my pastor what should we do and he says that I need to be by myself and that the lord wll send me someone.
Expert:  DrFee replied 1 year ago.
You mean he thinks that you should not be in a relationship with your boyfriend? I'm still not understanding why? Is there something that he sees in your relationship that's not good for you?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I am guessing that is what it is. He is saying that since we are having so many problems with trying to be married right now that maybe God is not in it because my friend is having a hard time trying to get a divorce.He dont think that the lord will not make it this complicating. So he says to wait and maybe the right man will come along without all the kaoss. But I love lynwood and he loves me.
Expert:  DrFee replied 1 year ago.
Have you asked God directly about this relationship? If so, what do you think He is telling you?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I think thel lord has blessed me with him but i dont know why my girls, my ex and my pastor are so unhappy
Expert:  DrFee replied 1 year ago.
Those are good questions.

The ex does not get a vote for sure, he was abusive and does not have your best interest at heart.

If the Pastor is someone that you trust, then I think his words are worth seriously considering, but I'd still run what the Pastor says by God. ;)

Your daughters, I'm not so sure. Do you think what they say comes from a place of concern for you or from their own issues?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
My daughters likes my boyfriend. They are mad at me because they can not talk ugly to me anymore. I use to be their friend instead of their mother because i wanted them to just love me. The pastor is my uncle. He dont want anything to happen to me. He is a bit old fashion and believes that divorce is not what the lord wants. If i leave it up to him, I will be by myself until Jesus comes. My mother on the other hand is very happy for me but she is disappointed with the girls because she knows about all abuse that I had taken. My pastor likes my ex, he puts big money into that church. My girls love him when he gives them money.
Expert:  DrFee replied 1 year ago.
I see --that context sure explains a lot.

It sounds like you need to listen to what you think the Lord is telling you in this situation.

And, as far as your original question goes (why is everything going so bad for us), a lot of it sounds like it's related to the behavior of the people around you. I'm not saying that you didn't make any mistakes, because we all do, but you were a victim of abuse in your first marriage.

It sounds like now you are doing everything you can to build a life for yourself. Maybe you need to wait a little longer to get married, but you haven't said anything yet that indicates that you shouldn't be in this relationship.
DrFee, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 437
Experience: 20+ years of counseling experience, Wife & Mother
DrFee and 4 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency