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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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My Boyfriend and I have been together for 11 years. For the

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My Boyfriend and I have been together for 11 years. For the past year and a half we have been engaged. Our relationship has been rocky. Over the years, i realised that I was developing feelings for a really good friend of mines. My boyfriend hates this friend but for over five years, my friend has been doing everything my boyfriend doesnt do. He is supportive, caring, always honest...he even admitted that he was in love with me. Now i was on the verge of ending the relationship with my boyfriend, but he proposed to me and i was a bit hesitant before i could say yes. But i did anyway. After a year and a half of being engaged and 5 months away from being married, I am double guessing myself about getting married to my boyfriend. And I don't want to be in a romantic relationship with him anymore. I just want to move on with my life and look after our son. Problem is, I don't know how to tell him that i don't want to be with him anymore.
I feel that you need to think of this first, if you wokje up tomorrow and your fiance was no longer in your life how would you feel? Some times the pressure of getting married and spending the rest of your life with someone makes you question things. You look at is this the person I want to be with. It happend when someone else is doing the things you want your fiance to do. You should tell your fiance how you feel that that there are certain things you want and need in this relationship. It is important to always communicarte hoe you feel.
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I always tell him how i feel and sometimes when i do that he gets angry. It even goes beyond me being fed up of him not doing what i want him to do. At this point, I am fed up. I have put up with lot of his crap. He doesn't support his child financially, he appears anti-social around my family and friends (after 11 years) and oh my god, I cant stand his halitosis and that has affected our relationship sexually. I just want out of the relationship. Don't want to feel trapped anymore.
The reason why he gets angry when you tell him how you feel is because he wants the relationship to be perfect, he doesn't want you to have these problems with him, but in order to fix these problems he has to listen to what you want and need in this relationship. If he does not hear what you are saying, you will not be there and he will live in regret wishing he tried. Relationships are not perfect they take work. You have two people with two different personalities, raised differently. People are always going to have their opinions in a relationship. Some times people need more in a relationship and the other person does not understand their wants and needs because they have no idea the other persons needs. This is why it is important to communicate how you feel, but he just wants to block things out thinking everything is fine. He is getting offensive because he doesn't want to be wrong in this relationship, he wants you to be happy. I do believe people can change. I feel he can be what you want him to be, but you have a major decision too make. I want you to picture your life without him, to really see and feel if this is the decision you want to make. Some times people think they want something else but all they really want is someone to change and be the person they love so deeply.

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