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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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My boyfriend, 57, moved out after a year because he says he

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My boyfriend, 57, moved out after a year because he says he needs to live closer to his 16 yr old daughter who lived only 20 miles from us. He says he needs to concentrate on her and work on a relationship with her. She does not return his calls and cancels his visits for weeks at a time. His is still not divorce from his wife whom he left 1 and half years ago at her request. Her and her boyfriend have broken up two months ago. Divorce papers are supposely held up with the lawyers. He has continued to talk to her on a regular basis. He still attends family functions with his future ex inlaws. He says he still want to see me, but I am confused and feel I've been on the back burner and now it's even worse with him moving out. Do I give him more time to sort things out and continue to see him? He swears it's just the daughter he's concerned about. He's a great guy, but I'm 56 and feel I'm too old for this.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 1 year ago.

I can certainly understand why you are upset. It must be very frustrating to watch him interact with his family rather than develop a solid, new relationship with you. I can understand some interaction but this seems excessive. You are right to want to be number one (outside his daughter). If he is really genuine about his feelings towards you, his actions should be consistent with his words. It doesn't seem fair to say that he loves you but still have this strong connection with his wife. He can have a relationship with his daughter without being so connected to everyone else. The daughter needs to see her father in his actual role and not his role that he continues to hang onto. This will only confuse the situation.

If he has moved out then he has made a statement about his commitment to you. If he loved you he would move forward not backward. It is possible that he is confused and doesn't know how to merge these two worlds. You have to ask for a place where you and your relationship is acceptable by both your standards. Right now he is making all the rules. I would try to schedule a time to meet and ask for exactly what you want and what you will tolerate. If he wants it all his way then he isn't willing to have a new life combined with time for his daughter. You can do all the comprising! That isn't fair

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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.

He made it clear he wants to live closer to his daughter and I think it's to hang around their house because that's the only way he gets to see her. It's all on their terms. He been supporting the wife, daughter and 23 yr old stepson in a nice lifestyle for 20 years and I think they are all spoiled.They show no respect towards him. I 'm confused because he said he was so miserable when he did live there. Is he just too weak to stand up to them or does he miss them and think he might get back with her? I wish I could know the truth and get on with it. Either way it's probably not going to work for me.


I don't have childeren of my own so I'm trying hard to understand this.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Relist: Other.
I sent a reply to expert at no extra charge but didn't get a answer and don't see the question either. Was it recieved?
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.
I don't feel him moving closer to his daugther had anything to do with getting back with his ex. I feel he made a choice because it might have been hard for her to see her daugther, so he moved closer. He still goes to all the family function because he once had a life with his in-laws and he still has a daugther that he wants to be apart of her life by going to these funtions. But it does not mean he wants to be with his ex again. That did not work out when they were together and he has now moved on with you. You once lived together, but it was hard on him. He wants to be there for his daugther, but he also wants to have a life with you. What you need to do is still have this relationship. I really beileve the one reason he moved was for his daugther. I feel that you both could start again dating and having a relationship even though he has moved out. This relationship is not over, it was just. an issue that needed to be fixed about moving. The question that you should ask too him is if you moivbed closer would he live with you if it was near your daugther. That will give you a better idea and ease your mind that he still wants to have a relationship with you.

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