I can certainly understand why you are upset. It must be very frustrating to watch him interact with his family rather than develop a solid, new relationship with you. I can understand some interaction but this seems excessive. You are right to want to be number one (outside his daughter). If he is really genuine about his feelings towards you, his actions should be consistent with his words. It doesn't seem fair to say that he loves you but still have this strong connection with his wife. He can have a relationship with his daughter without being so connected to everyone else. The daughter needs to see her father in his actual role and not his role that he continues to hang onto. This will only confuse the situation.
If he has moved out then he has made a statement about his commitment to you. If he loved you he would move forward not backward. It is possible that he is confused and doesn't know how to merge these two worlds. You have to ask for a place where you and your relationship is acceptable by both your standards. Right now he is making all the rules. I would try to schedule a time to meet and ask for exactly what you want and what you will tolerate. If he wants it all his way then he isn't willing to have a new life combined with time for his daughter. You can do all the comprising! That isn't fair
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He made it clear he wants to live closer to his daughter and I think it's to hang around their house because that's the only way he gets to see her. It's all on their terms. He been supporting the wife, daughter and 23 yr old stepson in a nice lifestyle for 20 years and I think they are all spoiled.They show no respect towards him. I 'm confused because he said he was so miserable when he did live there. Is he just too weak to stand up to them or does he miss them and think he might get back with her? I wish I could know the truth and get on with it. Either way it's probably not going to work for me.
I don't have childeren of my own so I'm trying hard to understand this.