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JohnMichaels,MS,LPC, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 384
Experience:  25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
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how do i win my ex back. she still loves me but has walked

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how do i win my ex back. she still loves me but has walked out and doesnt think things can work as weve been arguing a lot as shes angry at me
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 3 years ago.

Welcome to JustAnswer! I am a Licensed Professional Counselor. Please note, this is not therapy, but information. I do hope I can help you though.


Could you maybe give me some more details? What do you argue about? What has she said you need to do? What are you willing to do? I know that is a lot of questions but the answers to these questions and any details you give might be helpful in my response. Thank you!

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I am
Honestly willing to do anything. We had a very complicated relationship, we met a year ago when her brother died, and I helped her through it, we became close...only prob being I had a girlfriend. We started an affair an fell in love and the relationship ended.. We didn't get together at right away but when we did everything was amazing.
We Manu ly argue because of her anger she still has as she is still morning her brother she lost tragically in a car accident. She doesn't trust me at all and sees bad in all I do these days and we can't seem to agree on anything. She has moved out of our house and taken most of her stuff, she has said she needs time and space and never say never about is giving things another go, but won't even tell me if there is hope for us.
She has said she still loves me but that it can't work. I tried so hard as I saw this coming that I was the perfect boyfriend and did everything you could think to stop her leaving but we had another argument about me going out without her to a wedding she wasn't invited too due to the affair we had and me having mutual friends with my ex.
I want to give her space but feel like I need to do something and am getting more and more depressed without her
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 3 years ago.
Ok, it does sou d you have tried just a out everything. You evidently care very much for this girl. I often tell people if what they are trying is not workIng g, try the co pledge opposite. I know that sounds cliche' but it often seems to work.

In other words if you have been trying everything, quit trying everything. If you want to win her back you are goi g to have to do what she has asked you to do and give her space. I would probably apologize to her for pushing her so hard. Tell her that it is only that I care so much that I push so hard. Promise her that I a will back off for a spell. Give her a set amount of time and then check back with her and back away again if necessary. I am not sure this means totally back away. Follow her cue on this.

To be honest with you, this may not work. She may still leave you, but if you don't back away, your chances are even slimmer. You are only pushing her a way. It sounds like she does care for you, so this very well may work.

I hope that was helpful. Let me k ow if you have any questions. I do want to be a help to you.

Thank you!
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 3 years ago.


I noticed you still have not accepted my answer. i know my response may not have been what you wanted to hear, but it was an honest answer based on the information provided. If you have any further questions please feel free to ask. I really do want to help you. Otherwise, would you do me a favor and leave positive feedback. This is the only way I am compensated for my time and service to you.

Thank you!


Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I do appreciate your answer but just seems doing nothing isn't really gonna work. She has a lot of family issues as they have been ripped apart from the death of her brother. She still wants to be in my life and wants to be friends but has too much going on to be in a relationship at the moment.

Do I be her friend and sort myself out and try and win her back as friends, or will she then see me as an easy walkover and have no time for me as anything other than a friend??

I gave her time like you said and left her alone for a week but when I checked back in as advised she said it was def over.
I'm heartbroken and my whole life and health has gone down the pan!
Please help
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 3 years ago.
James, I apologize for not responding to you sooner. I have been out of town and have not been on my computer in several days. I do not see any other option than what you mentioned, winning her back as a friend. It sounds as if she is hurting deeply herself. She says it is definitely over yet she says she just is not ready for a relationship and wants to remain your friend. There might be hope, but it is a long shot. My thoughts would be if you wish to still have a chance with here, you pursue friendship, hold off on any talk of more than that and give it time. I know that is difficult, but from what I am reading, that is all you have at this point. In the meantime, if you feel inclined you could maybe date others. If this relationship is meant to be it will happen. If not, who knows, you might find that special someone in the process. I wish I could offer you more hope, but you must respect her wishes or you seriously risk burning bridges that could posit my never be rebuilt. She needs a friend right now. Be the friend she needs and see where it takes you. I hope that is helpful. Please feel free to ask further questions. I will help you as best I can...
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 384
Experience: 25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 3 years ago.
Hi! I appreciate you allowing me to help you maybe arrive at a solution the other day. I hope I was helpful. Let me know if I can help you in any other way.

John Michaels, MS, LPC

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