How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask JohnMichaels,MS,LPC Your Own Question

JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 349
Experience:  25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

how do i win my ex back. she still loves me but has walked

Resolved Question:

how do i win my ex back. she still loves me but has walked out and doesnt think things can work as weve been arguing a lot as shes angry at me
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 1 year ago.

Welcome to JustAnswer! I am a Licensed Professional Counselor. Please note, this is not therapy, but information. I do hope I can help you though.

 

Could you maybe give me some more details? What do you argue about? What has she said you need to do? What are you willing to do? I know that is a lot of questions but the answers to these questions and any details you give might be helpful in my response. Thank you!

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I am
Honestly willing to do anything. We had a very complicated relationship, we met a year ago when her brother died, and I helped her through it, we became close...only prob being I had a girlfriend. We started an affair an fell in love and the relationship ended.. We didn't get together at right away but when we did everything was amazing.
We Manu ly argue because of her anger she still has as she is still morning her brother she lost tragically in a car accident. She doesn't trust me at all and sees bad in all I do these days and we can't seem to agree on anything. She has moved out of our house and taken most of her stuff, she has said she needs time and space and never say never about is giving things another go, but won't even tell me if there is hope for us.
She has said she still loves me but that it can't work. I tried so hard as I saw this coming that I was the perfect boyfriend and did everything you could think to stop her leaving but we had another argument about me going out without her to a wedding she wasn't invited too due to the affair we had and me having mutual friends with my ex.
I want to give her space but feel like I need to do something and am getting more and more depressed without her
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 1 year ago.
Ok, it does sou d you have tried just a out everything. You evidently care very much for this girl. I often tell people if what they are trying is not workIng g, try the co pledge opposite. I know that sounds cliche' but it often seems to work.

In other words if you have been trying everything, quit trying everything. If you want to win her back you are goi g to have to do what she has asked you to do and give her space. I would probably apologize to her for pushing her so hard. Tell her that it is only that I care so much that I push so hard. Promise her that I a will back off for a spell. Give her a set amount of time and then check back with her and back away again if necessary. I am not sure this means totally back away. Follow her cue on this.

To be honest with you, this may not work. She may still leave you, but if you don't back away, your chances are even slimmer. You are only pushing her a way. It sounds like she does care for you, so this very well may work.

I hope that was helpful. Let me k ow if you have any questions. I do want to be a help to you.

Thank you!
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 1 year ago.

James,

I noticed you still have not accepted my answer. i know my response may not have been what you wanted to hear, but it was an honest answer based on the information provided. If you have any further questions please feel free to ask. I really do want to help you. Otherwise, would you do me a favor and leave positive feedback. This is the only way I am compensated for my time and service to you.

Thank you!

John

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I do appreciate your answer but just seems doing nothing isn't really gonna work. She has a lot of family issues as they have been ripped apart from the death of her brother. She still wants to be in my life and wants to be friends but has too much going on to be in a relationship at the moment.

Do I be her friend and sort myself out and try and win her back as friends, or will she then see me as an easy walkover and have no time for me as anything other than a friend??

I gave her time like you said and left her alone for a week but when I checked back in as advised she said it was def over.
I'm heartbroken and my whole life and health has gone down the pan!
Please help
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 1 year ago.
James, I apologize for not responding to you sooner. I have been out of town and have not been on my computer in several days. I do not see any other option than what you mentioned, winning her back as a friend. It sounds as if she is hurting deeply herself. She says it is definitely over yet she says she just is not ready for a relationship and wants to remain your friend. There might be hope, but it is a long shot. My thoughts would be if you wish to still have a chance with here, you pursue friendship, hold off on any talk of more than that and give it time. I know that is difficult, but from what I am reading, that is all you have at this point. In the meantime, if you feel inclined you could maybe date others. If this relationship is meant to be it will happen. If not, who knows, you might find that special someone in the process. I wish I could offer you more hope, but you must respect her wishes or you seriously risk burning bridges that could posit my never be rebuilt. She needs a friend right now. Be the friend she needs and see where it takes you. I hope that is helpful. Please feel free to ask further questions. I will help you as best I can...
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 349
Experience: 25+ years helping resolve relational issues.
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  JohnMichaels,MS,LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hi! I appreciate you allowing me to help you maybe arrive at a solution the other day. I hope I was helpful. Let me know if I can help you in any other way.

John Michaels, MS, LPC

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency