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Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this painful and overwhelming reality you have been facing for so long.
If a married man keeps having affairs, sexual and romantic affairs for several years into marriage, what i shows is mos probably sex & love addiction. It was areal relief to find ourselves growing and changing for good before, but to find out he has continued with his old pattern would confirm it is an addiction.
Tough for a wise in your shoes to hear from him that it is OK because you are the one he truly loves, but that he just do it to make himself feel better. That clearly shows you how distorted his view of things are, how neglectful emotional and abusive his choices and actions could be.
Forcing a person to get psychotherapy would not help. Even when people spontaneously agree to get professional support, if they do not happen to truly acknowledge reality, taking full responsibility for his choices and actions, and show willingness to make real changes, nothing would work, and counseling would be useless.
You, as everybody in any relationship, need to set healthy and clear limits and boundaries, in order not to allow any further abuse or neglect, and it could include getting counseling for sure, but again, if he is even blind to face reality, hold accountability and truly apologize working on real changes, it would be useless. He would only change when these core distortions get recognized and he truly works on changes with professional support.
Does it make sense?