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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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My husband does not try got make love to me after 3 years.

Customer Question

My husband does not try got make love to me after 3 years. This is because we have both had affairs.nwhat can I do ?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 4 years ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear friend,

When you are in such a stalemate for such a long time, you need to get some help with an experienced and competent Marriage and Family Therapist, particularly one who is also a certified sex therapist.

You cannot go on this way much longer. You will both become bitter and your relationship will ultimately dissolve. You must communicate with each other. You must both stop harboring resentment and anger and begin to talk to each other.

If you cannot, and do not have love for one another any more, then you may consider getting a divorce. Being at odds is not a good life. You both deserve to be treated like a precious person, and if you cannot do this, and either of you are not willing to try, then consider moving ahead with your life by yourself. You need a new chapter in your book of life, either with a restored marriage or with a new direction for you.

One way or the other, you need to move forward.

I wish that you can find peace and harmony in your life, and the love and affection that all of us need and deserve,.

Great blessings to you, and warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Relist: Other.
MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE HAD AN AFFAIR. NOT MADE LOVE FOR 3 YEARS AND 4 MONTHS WITH EACH OTHER. HE SAYS IT WILL HAPPEN IN TIME. HE IS GOOD WITH ME IN EVERY WAY BUT THERE IS NO PHYSICAL CONTACT. HE IS NOT HAVING AN AFFAIR ANY MORE. i AM BUT CAN YOU BLAME ME?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Relist: Other.
MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE HAD AN AFFAIR. NOT MADE LOVE FOR 3 YEARS AND 4 MONTHS WITH EACH OTHER. HE SAYS IT WILL HAPPEN IN TIME. HE IS GOOD WITH ME IN EVERY WAY BUT THERE IS NO PHYSICAL CONTACT. HE IS NOT HAVING AN AFFAIR ANY MORE. i AM BUT CAN YOU BLAME ME?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Relist: Other.
MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE HAD AN AFFAIR. NOT MADE LOVE FOR 3 YEARS AND 4 MONTHS WITH EACH OTHER. HE SAYS IT WILL HAPPEN IN TIME. HE IS GOOD WITH ME IN EVERY WAY BUT THERE IS NO PHYSICAL CONTACT. HE IS NOT HAVING AN AFFAIR ANY MORE. i AM BUT CAN YOU BLAME ME?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Relist: Other.
MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE HAD AN AFFAIR. NOT MADE LOVE FOR 3 YEARS AND 4 MONTHS WITH EACH OTHER. HE SAYS IT WILL HAPPEN IN TIME. HE IS GOOD WITH ME IN EVERY WAY BUT THERE IS NO PHYSICAL CONTACT. HE IS NOT HAVING AN AFFAIR ANY MORE. i AM BUT CAN YOU BLAME ME?
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 4 years ago.
Dear friend,

I am certainly not going to blame or judge you. You and your husband have drifted apart and now you have a lover, and are evidently content with the situation. Chances are that you will not get back with your husband while one of you is having an affair, and because you are most likely content, it may never happen.

If you are both happy with this situation then you might stay together if it fills some important need (like being together for the children, or it is a good economic arrangement).

You really have three options:

1) Continue living with your husband while you carry on your affair

2) Separate from your husband and try to make a new life

3) Continue living with your husband but end the affair and do your best to heal your relationship, emotional and sexual by getting the help of a therapist as a explained above.

The chances of fixing this relationship while you are having an affair are very slim. It is quite possible that you prefer this "open marriage" style of relationship, at least at the present moment.. That is the first option and you seem to enjoy it. You must live by your own set of rules, and if you feel justified for your lifestyle than keep on with it. If you want to save the marriage, then you have to change. It is totally up to you. You know better than anyone what feels right to you.

I wish that you find comfort and peace, and happiness in the road that you choose to travel, and wish you great success and blessings with your decision.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

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