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Ask Dr. Paige Your Own Question

Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Customer Question

Hi, I just started dating someone a few days ago after finding him on an online dating site. We spoke several times before meeting and he would call me and we would talk on the phone for hours. I asked him what he thought of me when we met, and he said that he thought I was very pretty and that he had really wanted to kiss me, but he was too nervous.

Now fast forward 3 days later, he seems not to be as available as he was before we met and I still see that he hasn't cancelled his online dating account, nor has he asked me out again or expressed an interest in trying to see me. He says he is really busy with work and has had to work late last night and late again tonight.

I am wondering if he is seeing someone else and won't come clean, I have had trust issues in my past and I have been hurt. I want to take this relationship slow, but I also don't want to be wasting my time if we aren't on the "same page" like he said he was a couple nights ago and wanting to start an exclusive relationship together, I just don't want to be hurt again and if he isn't ready to be in an exclusive relationship, I feel he should be upfront and honest with me
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 4 years ago.
Hello. It is possible that he has changed his mind about your relationship, but remember, this is only a few days we are talking about. I would suggest that you ask him straight out what is going on with him and that you don't want to waste your time if he isn't interested. The only way you are going to get your answer from him is going to be to ask him. Men are different than women in many ways and communication is one of those things. No matter what he is feeling, the chances of him telling you are fairly slim. While he SHOULD be upfront and honest with you, he probably won't be. It could be fear, he doesn't want to disappoint you OR he could really be busy. I wouldn't look into the dating profile still being online. It's only been a few days anyway and it probably hasn't crossed his mind one way or another.
Tell him what you want from a relationship and is he is not wanting to move forward, then you should just move on to find someone who will.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
So how should I ask him? I don't want to sound like I have low self esteem or accusatory? Should I wait till he is done with work for the day?
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 4 years ago.
Oh yes, I would wait until you are both relaxed after the days work and you are having a casual conversation. How you put it is important, so think about it before you talk to him. Make it seem more like an observation than a concern for you. You can say, " it seems to me as though we haven't been as close the past few days, is it just me?" and see where it goes from there based on his response. When having a discussion at any level with someone about a touchy subject, make sure you ask questions more than accusing them. This goes for anything. Be sure you are comfortable before you go into the conversation.

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