Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
It is never healthy to be exposed to any form of neglect, abuse or destructive environment - relationship, even more if we talk about marriage, a dysfunctional marriage like the one you depicted could never be considered something healthy at all for anybody.
I BEEN IN MY MARRIAGE ALMOST 14 YRS. AND ITS BEEN LIKE THIS A PRETTY WHILE. :( I DO CARE ABOUT HIM BUT I DONT WXXXXX XXXXXVE LIKE THIS.
I am very sorry to know about this frustrating and painful reality.
The first relationship we all need to and must honor, take good care of and protect is the one we have towards ourselves. When we neglect or abuse this core relationship, we end exposing ourselves to be used, abused or neglected by other people.
WE need to distinguish between health, mature and fulfilling love on one hand; and destructive, abusive and non fulfilling love on the other.
THE PROBLEM IS THAT I WANNA GET A DIVORCE BUT STILL CARE ABOUT HIM. I JUST DONT WANNA BE IN A MARRIAGE LIKE THIS.
I WANT OUT BECAUSE ITS NOT HEALTHY FOR ME AND ALSO HIM.
Life teaches us that the only love that we need and should develop and promote is the healthy - mature one. Codependency, as an addiction undermining and distorting relationships, could only create suffering and damage, even when presenting the mask of temporary happiness and harmony.
Then if you truly care about yourself and about him, there is no other option in a scenario like this but to take consistent action and rebuild your lives by different paths. You have just acknowledged how unhealthy it;s been for both of you this marriage, then denying or avoiding reality would not help but undermine your lives even more.
If it has been all this long like this and you have tried your best and it has not worked, then you need to face reality and take responsibility for your own choices and actions, and start doing what you know you both need and deserve to start building a healthy and fulfilling life.
I ALSO HAVE 4 KIDS --- AND I HAVE TO STAY HEALTHY FOR THEM.
That's a priority for sure and one powerful reason to start taking good care of yourselves then in order to be able to take good care of them.
I DO WANT A DIVORCE BUT THERES 2 THOUGHTS. I JUST THINK NEED TO STAND UP FOR WHO I AM AND LOVE MYSELF AS A MOTHER.
I totally support that.
Taking good care of yourself allows you to play a healthy role in your parental role.
YES, I DO UNDERSTAND THAT.AND I NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS MARRIAGE BECAUSE I AM GETTING NO HELP FOR IT. I JUST DONT NO HOW TO START ARE WHERE TO GO. ITS MY TIME THAT I HAVE EVER GONE THROUGH THIS MARRIAGE MY HEART IT BROKEN INTO PIECES BUT, I DONT WANNA BE IN A MARRIGE THIS I WANT OUT.
Right. I recommend professional individual counseling in order to support yourself coping with this transition with the best tools and assitance, plus all the help you could get from your "support system", namely, healthy and caring family members and close friends.
MY HEART IS BROKEN INTO PIECES BUT I WANT OUT. I TRY TO WORK THINGS OUT BUT HE JUST DIDNT CARE.
Then please focus on what you need and can control, being totally consistent taking necessary actions with adequate support.
Please feel free to contact me for any further assistance since I am willing to support you as needed. I truly hope you take consistent action and get necessary support to create the well-being and fulfillment you and your children need and deserve. Please rate support in order for chat session window to be closed. Thanks.