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Ask Dr. Keane Your Own Question

Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1761
Experience:  PHD LPC
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I asked a guy that I slept with if he is involved with someone

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I asked a guy that I slept with if he is involved with someone else. Not that I care about dating other people, I just don't want to be responsible for someone else getting hurt. This was via text. He seemed to get either offended or angry, I am not sure which. I was clear that I was not keeping tabs on him as I am not his wife or girlfriend, just that I didn't want someone to get hurt because of me. I also am not sure if it is because he is looking for more out of this than FWB, he texts me pretty regularly, then said that he misses me? Should I just leave him alone? Help!

Dr. Keane :

I can help you today.

Dr. Keane :

Is this someone you hang out with and FWB type of relationship? If you want to know why he was angry ask him but don't do it via text, leaves too much room for interpretation.

Customer:

We know each other from work, I am in construction, but just getting to know each other. I was clear that it was FWB for me, but I am starting to think that he is thinking more.

Dr. Keane :

In FWB relationships there are no strings and if he feels more than that for you it could have caused him to respond the way he did. How do you feel about it becoming more? You need to have a good sit down with him and if he refuses then leave him alone.

Dr. Keane :

You know in any "relationship" FWB included at times (not all) someone gets hurt and that is how we learn what we want and don't want

Customer:

I am not sure how I feel. He is a great guy, but to be honest, I am scared. Like he was asking if I missed him, and I didn't answer, but threw it back at him, and he responded with "LOL I think I do"

Customer:

So my next question is do I just wait to see if he contacts me again, and leave him alone? or is it ok to just be like, hey, hope you are having a great day..via text

Dr. Keane :

Scared? afraid of getting hurt? look, if you want to explore a relationship that is more than FWB, go for it....only way to know is to try

Customer:

and yes, scared of getting hurt.

Dr. Keane :

Don't shy away, talk ask him if he is having a great day. It's obvious that he is thinking about you and likes you. You have nothing to lose.

Dr. Keane :

hurt before?

Dr. Keane :

how old are you?

Customer:

yes, badly.

Customer:

42

Dr. Keane :

it's obvious but don't let that hold you back. You have confidence that is evident and if it doesn't work...so what?

Customer:

lol...That's true I suppose....And seriously, I barely know him, and have only slept with him once....How much impact can he REALLY have on my life?

Dr. Keane :

To me I saw "hurt" before, so now you are being hyper focused on not hurting anyone, especially you. So unless he is married let it play out.

Customer:

So ok to shoot him a hope you are having a good day at lunch text?

Dr. Keane :

Absolutely! why not....nothing to lose, keep telling yourself that

Customer:

Thank you for your insight. I am sure that I am being neurotic...

Dr. Keane :

no, you are being human.....

Dr. Keane :

good luck....ask for me again if you have more questions. Glad to be of help! Please rate my service.

Customer:

bye

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