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DrPsychologist
DrPsychologist, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience:  I am a licensed psychologist with over 10 years of experience in providing mental health psychotherapy.
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How do I get over my trust issues. Let alone figure out why

Resolved Question:

How do I get over my trust issues. Let alone figure out why they started. I think I have a pretty good idea of why, but I have a hard time moving on and past the detective work. If I didn't pry I wouldn't have anything to worry about. My boyfriend gives me no on the surface reason to believe he should not be trusted. Please help and advise. I am seeking techniques/support and thorough advice!
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  DrPsychologist replied 2 years ago.

DrPsychologist :

Hi, I would be happy to help you with your question. Could you please tell me more about your issues with trusting - are they general to romantic partners or people in general, or are they specific to this one boyfriend? When did they start and what was the circumstance at that time?

Customer:

General to romantic partners. Specific to this boyfriend. In the past I have had an issue with my ex texting and once or twice to my knowledge meeting up with other girls. We have been dating for 2 and a half years. This started last summer after we moved in together. I ended up finding out the password XXXXX his cell phone and checked it and didn't like what I found. I also had suspicions about this one girl he worked with who is much younger than the both of us. I continously checked and would get upset and not say anything. Until I finally decided I couldn't do it anymore. Only once did I confront him about actually kissing somebody at a bar while I was at his sister's bachelorette party. Since then, I have stopped and just recently started checking our phone bill. I know that his suspicious behavior(s) and acttions have stopped and on the surface he never ever gives me a reason to worry.. he is a great boyfriend. I know he was going through his own issues of committment and have heard from his friends that he has stated looking at engagement and being with me long term. I still continue to worry. I used to "jokingly" accuse him of wanting someone else or going out and finding someone else.. basically all in all there were things I know that I have done to push him away and maybe even lead to the cause of being cheated on/ or whatever. Now I just want to let go of the past, forgive and forget, and not picture him with other girls and get upset when I know I should not be upset. Plus we are pregnant now and expecting a little girl in 9 weeks. I just want to be able to change my actions, my trusting habits and be a better girlfriend and stay strong.

DrPsychologist :

Intuition is usually right for most people and unless someone wants to change, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. I would encourage you to speak with your boyfriend about your concerns in a loving way - telling him how devoted you are to him and to your upcoming new family (and not accuse him of things - not that you would necessarily do that). I would also advise that you lay low until the baby arrives. Emotions can be heightened for both partners before and right after a new baby - anticipation, responsibilities, etc. A new baby can change relationships between partners for better or worse. If you both have a commitment to each other and love each other then things will likely settle down. It is promising that you are staying together now. I would encourage you not to look at his phone or email messages because that will create conflict even if you don't find anything.

DrPsychologist :

Please let me know if you have any further questions or if I might be of further assistance. I would be glad to assist you in finding a therapist in your area if you would like. I just need to know your zip code and if you plan on using insurance, what your insurance carrier is.

DrPsychologist :

If you found my answer helpful, please click "Accept" (green button). Positive feedback is always appreciated.

DrPsychologist :

I can continue to answer follow-up questions even after you Accept my answer.

DrPsychologist, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience: I am a licensed psychologist with over 10 years of experience in providing mental health psychotherapy.
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